"Tave iyutrekyr iv Zia"

[Caffeline]

[The following entries are typed on a datapad with a standard encryption lock. Far more accessible if someone were to steal or look through, though the entries themselves are passcode-protected]

That was something I did not expect. And I cannot approach anyone to ask for advice.

I barely understand why I was offered this choice.

I haven't yet decided. I requested time to consider.

...

The boarding of the Th'Asidra occurred. I knew it was wise to leave my diary hidden in the camp. It is safe and secure against the elements. So...I will have to type here. I can't even use my code. I should try to learn how to create one, but...I just won't have time.

Ri Satwas did not mention the needles. They handed them back to me without a word. But then they interrogated me about what I intend to do with them...and took offense to my answer. Now I am to attend to them during the oncoming days, where I will be tested to see how much I'm able to withstand...

So why did they let the needles through in the first place?

...


Fight.

Try to breathe.

Fight.

Try to eat.

Fight.

Try to close my eyes..

Fight.

Try to breathe.

Fight.

...it won't stop. I can't concentrate. I can hardly think.

He only says five words.

"Acolyte Jadzia. Training pit. Now."

And then..

"We continue in an hour."

I can barely hold my foils anymore. I haven't hurt so much since...Korriban. I think.
I don't know anymore.

He wakes me repeatedly during the night with those five words. Yanks me from the bunk. Drags me if I take too long.

The floor keeps swaying beneath me, keeps falling away from my feet during the fights. I can't fall. I can't fail. He said...endurance training to Ri Wohmonwsirsa. Ever since we left the estates I haven't slept. Haven't rested. I'm frightened.
There is only the mask. The five words. The pain..

The mask haunts me. I'm supposed to practice Tapas, supposed to consider the offer I was freely given... but every time I try, the mask appears. I can't tell if it's real or a nightmare anymore.

My shoulder still hurts from the deslok..disloak.. dislocation. Even trying to use the Force hurts.

Breathing was never this heavy before. I just need...sleep... My mind is...not quite mine anymore. The mask keeps looming over my shoulder in reflections.

Oh no. I can sense him approach-... wait. Did I? I can't have. It's not been an hour yet, I swear it's not been--

If you have time to write, you have time to prepare for war.
Training pit. Now.

[Caffeline]

[The following entries are typed on a datapad with a standard encryption lock. Far more accessible if someone were to steal or look through, though the entries themselves are passcode-protected]

It's over. Ri Satwas' training is finally over.

I admit I stayed in the medbay longer than absolutely necessary, feigning sleep. I've never been so exhausted. Everything hurts. Everywhere aches.

Hopefully I can just get through the landing at Bon Sor without losing a limb or making a fool of myself.

...

The landing was bloody and bitter. One doesn't get to see the Dark Lord in full force often, especially not with powerbase troops deployed in such numbers.

War is loud chaos on an industrial scale. I'm glad Ri Wohmonwsirsa took charge of the acolytes. I don't know if I would have survived or kept up otherwise. It took a lot of force to breach the gate and there were suspiciously few twi'leks in the settlement. We found out why quickly; they had rigged several buildings to detonate. The air burned my lungs, and several Sith got hurt from the explosions, falling debris and blaster fire. I've barely seen any of the apprentices or higher-ranked Sith be seriously hurt in combat before; usually they're just beating me or other acolytes up. It's...sobering.

A reminder that even Sith are mortal in combat.

Even the Corporal was limping around with a cane the next day, but it didn't stop him from wanting to serve the Empire.

...

It's strange being on a jungle world that has sunshine.

...

I signed up to help with a scouting mission near the settlement and almost got a blaster bolt to my forehead during it. A twi'lek tried to attack me with a vibroblade - he seemed to jump out of nowhere, ready to slaughter, and I just...punched him in the throat. Instinctively.

It felt good.

I even managed to get a sample of some liquid that looked poisonous from a trap that tried to kill me. I wanted to keep it, but the more information the powerbase can get about the environment and toxins here, the better. So I handed it in. Somehow...I doubt I'll get it back.

It's fine. I still have the other poison back home. No doubt I'll wish I had smuggled it here soon enough, but I don't think I would have got it past inspection. It was dangerous enough with the needles.

I need to make my decision on that offer soon, as well. But how do I get the information I need without raising suspicion? Who can I even ask? I promised my answer before we leave Bon Sor. At least it's easier to think when I'm not being dragged to the training pit every hour.

...Damn Ri Satwas.

[Caffeline]

[The following entries are typed on a datapad with a standard encryption lock. Far more accessible if someone were to steal or look through, though the entries themselves are passcode-protected]

Ri Tzihra Kota demanded I show them the stash Stokodi and I had gathered and hidden. Since they'd already cooked Stokodi from the inside out and she was still smoking and twitching on the ground, I obeyed.

It was only a few containers of food and some blankets. And a whole pillow. I was still told to hand it all over to the supply depot.

They asked me why I would bother with creating a stash, even as they knew it would happen again and again. I replied that capability is borne from experience and that the stash was never expected to remain undetected from the higher ups. It's just practice against our cadre.

They reminded me to think beyond the first couple of steps, and tested my answer by smacking me telekinetically against the gate. I hadn't realised it was possible to do that without even a brief gesture. Then they told me that I had better prove myself on their mission - or they would know that Ri Satwas had not done their job right.

...Hutt-licker.

I managed to endure the mission they "volunteered" me for.. we ended up capturing some kind of...oversized chicken? What kind of chicken naturally evolves fangs alongside a beak?

...

A pureblood acolyte I haven't really interacted with before turned up. The one who pretends he holds Droseth's leash. Acolyte Dras...Dras-ass something. He told me to remember his name and that I should "get in good while the going's cheap".

Tch. I suspect his "going" will always be cheap. Huge amount of arrogance with none of the ability to back it up. No wonder he didn't dare take on Stokodi by himself.

...he'd probably match well with Ri Atuzirsi Wo, though neither should try to walk through a door at the same time. The egos would get stuck.

...

I will be scouting through the tunnels tonight, under Ri Énizasi Diwayas' command. Here's hoping I don't get a limb blown off, or worse.

[Caffeline]

[The following entries are typed on a datapad with a standard encryption lock. Far more accessible if someone were to steal or look through, though the entries themselves are passcode-protected]

The group survived the tunnels. We even managed to map more of them out, and bring in some of the aliens for interrogation and processing.

No matter where I've looked, I have not seen a hint of that poison I encountered back when we first arrived on Bon Sor. So I decided to try and find some for myself. Ri Atirai permitted a trio of scientists to go. I was actually surprised at how many people came for my outing. Ri Tzihra Kota, Ri Wini Wo, and the Corporal, as well as Zedani. If she survives to ascend, I'll apply a name to her too. Ri Tzihra Kota's Drakes came on their order, as well as a few huge walking lizards. I heard the name 'trandoshan'... they're very intimidating up close.

I admit we did not know the location well. Barely any scouting had taken place there. The group went into the tunnels, and almost immediately one of Ri Tzihra Kota's men was dragged out with a red carpet of blood following.

I've killed before. Intentionally. But...seeing a man bleed out to death in front of me when I was trying to stop the bleeding... it's different somehow. Ri Tzihra Kota was unhappy. It was not my direct fault, but it was still during my mission that the man expired. I now owe them.

...with the amount of favours and debt I owe across the board, perhaps I should seek advice from the Banking Clan. Then again, they'd just charge me interest.

...

Stokodi asked me about the endurance gauntlet I went through during the journey here. She was keen to ask Ri Satwas for such training herself, until she realised that she wouldn't actually be able to rest during it. Then she backtracked and said something about asking him after we are finished on Bon Sor.

Why wait for training when you are in need of it now? Fool.

Unfortunately for her, Ri Radona Wima overheard this and took issue with the self-acknowledgement of laziness. Just more proof in my eyes that Stokodi would not survive the training, even if she did request it.

...

Last night the powerbase set out to exact revenge for the assault we endured last week. A whole brigade of soldiers, armoured vehicles and a squad called the Silver Flame. The group I was in was sent through the tunnels that the scientists had gone to. No evidence of traps though, until right at the end.

We were almost shot to pieces when we came to the end of the tunnel. The Republic had emplacements ready and waiting for us. Ri Zirari Wo and Ri Atuzirsi Wo were yelling at the troops, sending them endlessly onward until the Republic broke. The other acolyte and I were pressed against the walls to evade the blaster fire as well as to keep out of the way of the troops.

When we finally stepped out though..

Growing up in the Empire, we are told and taught that War is glorious and a noble cause. That each must do their duty and be willing to lay down their lives for the Glory of the Empire. We are instructed to see victory as crushing those who oppose us under our feet as we walk towards a new dawn for the Empire.

What I saw there was neither noble nor glorious.

I saw men in their hundreds exploding like fireworks. Scattering themselves like confetti and raining down upon their killers.

Pieces of those which were once men strewn like litter across a cratered, wasted jungle. I heard the crunching of spare fingers under my boots as I walked. The stench of death and blood was as noxious as fumes. Even through my helmet, I could taste iron and copper on my lips. What had been jungle just an hour ago is now swamp fed with the blood of thousands. I saw Ri Atuzirsi Wo casually kick a helmet out of his way like a huttball. From the sound of it landing, it wasn't empty. It was too caked in mud for me to tell if it was originally Republic or Imperial.

I don't think it would have mattered either way.

Stories of War are glorious.

The reality is not.

War is just chaos and murder on an industrial scale. No doubt when I am more powerful and useful than a mere acolyte underfoot, I will be able to taste the glory and victory for myself. Will it be different from the taste of coppery mud?

I've tried to help out at the medical tents when I can, but there is still work to do. Streets to clear of rubble. Areas to scout. Defenses to bolster.

It never stops. And it's never enough.