[IC] Elena's Holodiary

[Theprettiestorc]

Log 1

A female voice begins to speak as soon as the recording is played, as if unaware that there is a gap in starting. She sounds nervous, slightly, but her enunciation and words are proper, and her voice has a sonorous quality.

"-rst time using this, so I just hope it works." A shuffling of robes, as if sitting back. "I had my first real experiences with House Horuset today. I was led around by an Apprentice, whom instructed me on ettiquite. Bow to everyone above you, and say, 'my lord'. At least... that's the basics. If they're an actual Lord, or a Darth..." Her voice gets jittery, before she continues. "... you bow, and hope they are not angry."

"There were many Apprentices, and a few Acolytes as I. There seems to be power struggles for the former, even going so far as to spread rumors as power plays, or eavesdr-" Stop. She continues. "There was also a woman that stripped to show tattoos? The situation was awkward all around, I heard more embarrassment than anger. Apparently, even Sith can be astonished."

"Speaking of Sith, they far outnumber everything else combined. And with the heirarchy, I'm... much less than them, regardless of whether I have any blood or not. An Apprentice was fascinated by me, and others seemed to take it in stride. My... fellow Acolytes, mostly. Who were actually very helpful in teaching me and helping me get through the day. I can..."

Yet another pause, as her voice cracks. "... I can Seethe. Drawing on my fears, working with my core, near my stomach, and letting the Dark Side flow throughout my body. The pain is excruciating, but the power is... tremendous. It's like a release of emotions, getting everything that's bottled up out of me. I feel sick still, my fingers tingle... I have to keep doing it to live." A choked sound. "Dammit, why do I need this life? I wasn't happy as a dancer, but it was better than the torture, the fear, th-"

The recording cuts off, and then back again. "-o compose myself, I... am fine now. In any case, I find Dromund Kaas to be peaceful compared to Korriban. It teems with the Dark Side, but the life is much more lush, much more around despite it. Mother was wrong, there is a co-existence, albeit much more savage under the Dark rather than the Light. The rain, especially, is soothing, calming."

"Perhaps the last thing I need is calm, though. Peace is a lie, after all. I haven't had attempts on my life yet, but I worry. I walked the whole rail of the balcony, hoping just to fall in the back of my mind. I prayed to be struck by lightning. But this life continues, and... whatever it is, it could be good."

A long pause, before she starts once more. "I hope to learn more soon. Train my Sight, train myself on the Dark Side. I believe it was... it was Darth Horuset herself. Being near her was like being on fire, burning, choking, and it was all I could do to respond to her. But she told me that a Gemstone, if polished, could become a Jewel. A Rock, if polished, would always be nothing more than a Polished Rock. I suppose that is what I am, in Horuset... a rock."

Her voice trembles, but it is, for the first time, angry. "A rock can hide glorious treasures inside, but first, it must break. I feel I will never reach my full potential until I go past my limits, become one with the Dark Side, let it do as it will. The pain will be constant if I do this. There is no going back from that from me. This is a one-way street. Death... would be too easy."

The recording is silent for over a minute, before a singing starts. The sound is exotic, uplifting... words blending with melody, several minutes of up and down across six verses. It seems to become sad in the last bits, for the ending wavers, and the recording ends after several seconds.

[Theprettiestorc]

Log 2

A droid beeps out, before the voice begins once more. There's a strained tone, as if she's in pain.

"... I can... oh. Alright. Second day in House Horuset. I'm doing better against the droids, but most of my time was spent doing research today. I have an earpiece, and the normal Holologs just become audio logs for me. Of... particular note, a technique called 'Force Wound'. It sounds horrible, but... I could likely get an edge from it if I can find out how to use it." She pauses, breathing heavy.

"So, next... I chatted with Sith Soti again. I researched something she used - Dampening her Presence. A rather great technique, one I will have to research and use post-haste. This was after another Sith, while I was talking to a pair or Imperials - nice guys, by the way - asked me to flip up my blindfold. One of them was freaked out." Another pause, and a groan of pain.

Spoiler: Redacted Section

"... Valeus Horuset. He challenged me to a spar, and I engaged with him. It was... tense. I stopped in the middle from caution, and he goaded me on, pushed me to use everything in my power to fight, or simply quit being an Acolyte. I likely fell for it, and got a good amount of Shock against me, but... neither of us conceded. He simply left, not a word, with both of us exhausted."

Deep breaths, and a sigh. "I... need that Pain. I Seethed, and it burned as before, but I like the burn, I liked the pain of the Shock. I want to learn it, feel that power, all throughout." Her confession. "And I hate that, too, but... this is still a one-way street. When do I know when I'll snap? I already stopped running away today, things already changing. Will I still recognize myself in time?" Fear and apprehension make her voice waver. "I cannot be weak. I can appear it, but not be it. I have to do better. I need to learn everything, get better at my Telekinesis, my Sight. I am... still partly numb, or pained, from my injuries, so I will turn in."

Once again, though, a melody begins. This one low, shadowy, faint words blending into the harmony. The sound of fingers on metal for a beat signal this as a song of battle, in Miralukese. And shortly after Elena is done, the recording finishes.

[Theprettiestorc]

Log 3

This one is preceded by the sounds of rain, as if going on close by. Close to a window, heavy weather, perhaps? The tone is tired.

"Third day. I learned Ansi Niti, along with a great many of the house. It is a special meditation technique to pull on all of the negative emotions... like Seething, but much more precise and liable to fail. It was also painful, excruciatingly-so." Her voice just cracks a bit at that. "It is, as one of my peers put it, a self-perpetuating cycle. The Pain causes Fear, Anger, and so on, but I'm already beginning to suffer the psychosis of such."

"My behavior is changing. At times, I get too bold. Say things I don't mean to, in order to get a rise, or perhaps... mmm. No, too early to speculate. The Dark Side, channeled through me, is altering me in ways I can only begin to suspect. I knew this was coming, though, and I'm glad I started this project before things got too far. Some day, another of my kind may follow in my place, use me as a guide."

"Anyway. Many of the residents, Acolyte, Apprentice, Neophyte, or Household Sith, all had widely-varied effects. One of the Neophytes was surprised by an... insectoid Acolyte, and nearly cooked him with Lightning. Sith Tarati, a dangerous element based on everyone's reactions, put Lightning into an Apprentice, my practice droid, and an Acolyte, in that order. Kaidar. He proceeded to have a duel, which ended rather one-sided, since Sith Soti prevented Sam from interfering. The Droid he activated certainly caused a bit of havoc, but everything died down."

"Strangest of all... three times, Sith Tarati took note of me. Every time, he spared me any wrath. Is it because I'm a woman, or perhaps not a-" Mmm. She cuts herself off again. "... too speculative. I took Kaidar to the Infirmary. Despite his injuries, he was proud of the fight, further making me wonder at the story behind Sith Tarati and why everyone is eager to fight him."

"Training, other training... I had to ensure my earpiece wasn't contraband, but I did learn I can take recordings with me. This makes it quite easy to double up on training, listening to theories and techniques while I do physical fitness, and honing my skills. I made a deal with the Lorekeeper's Apprentice, Johran, in exchange for lessons he digs up from the Archives and his own training. At some point, I hope to leverage my own skills and Sight with the Acolytes to get lessons in a similar manner."

"It's actually good to be overlooked, though. Yesterday, Sith Soti was instructing Apprentice Johran on his Force Jumping, an extension of Augment with some use of a Push to gain height. Though I only know the lattermost, the ideas are jumping around my head, so to speak, new ways to use what I have to its fullest. At the very least, I wish to train Ansi Niti as much as I can right now, and use it to fuel my training in the Telekinetics as a whole. Mastering the basics is not to be frowned at, and it's a good start."

"Anyway, I should probably end this soon. I don't wish to wake... mmm. Well, you know." Open-ended, she takes a wistful sigh. But after several moments, a new song. Whether these are all made up on the spot or no, it could matter not, for it's still unique. A melody, more upbeat but firm. Ambitious, pleased, confident. This one ends on an upward note, her voice rich and pure the whole way. Despite her tiredness, she puts her all into it. Only the sounds of heavy rainfall and rushing water remain after, before the recording shuts off... three minutes later. Recorded sounds for later?

[Theprettiestorc]

Log 4

The voice starts up within a few seconds, now, sharp gasps of pain. "Mnff. Might need to go to the Infirmary sooner than later... long day. Overused Ansi Niti, still have phantom... burning feeling. Plus lasers. Sam needs to find the business end of a Rancor and explore it, slippery lizard-monkey."

"Day four. Talked to most, if not all, of my fellow Acolytes. Met both Saltaeons personally, with Joslae kicking the tar out of her... relative, Khetal. He was evidently tossed into the wild, but survived, and he seems a family black sheep."

Deep breath. A shuffling sounds out, a light clicking on. Getting out of bed. "Runil told me my Ambitions were hand-holding, that my weakness will be passed on. Tales of lords live on though, and I feel this is an insightful guide for those who walk this path. As much as I have been left to my own devices, this gives me something to do, and for another in my position to follow."

"Ansi Niti is addictive, but because of the Pain. I imagined it would occur, the first cracks in my shell. I meditated it out, but later on, channeled it ineffectively to get the edge in a spar with Sam. He used the Droids on me - I cannot continue to have them be my absolute foil. Coincidentally, I also met Leivé, an Apprentice, that was also both a slave and a dancer. A Twi'lek! We have a lot of common ground, and I hope to follow her if I can, see how she fares. What insights she might have."

Her voice has been muted a bit, but the dinging sound of an elevator sounds and doors, open and close.

Spoiler: Redacted

"I want to put my trust in Valeus. He is... going through his own hardships, in a way. Just as hard as I do, living up to a family name, not allowed to be weak. He outmatches me, I know it, but I want to See how he grows, be by his side as he ascends. He can be something truly great."

Just after the elevator opens again, a low humming from her is heard, a short, soft song. Too much pain for much more.

[Theprettiestorc]

Log 5

Weary. The voice is tired today, seemingly with everything. "... I had everything attacked today. What I believe, what I'm striving for. It was... a day. Probably the first of many, and will only likely get worse. I'm not sure whether that, or the reality I know, is worse."

"Our Dark Lord, Darth Horuset, entered the hall as I was taking a moment to sit down before going to the Archives, and chatting with Apprentice Leivé. More and more people entered the hall, and everyone kneeled, as She made it clear that I would be dead from my madness before I would ever become a Lord. I can only assume She just knows, that things make it to her. Part of me wonders if that is a challenge from her, in her own way, to cull the weak before they try. In reality, in her own words, all she expects me to do is die."

"... reality is, I will. I was reminded of how easy it would be for a Lord to just wish me out of their sight forever, and erase me. Sam mouthed off to Lord Kalkoran, which will not happen a second time. His Apprentice was told we could be made an example of, but she, too, ignores me. That in itself fuels me, hurts me, hastens the pain as the Dark Side I channel more and more each day begins to get more potent, refined. I am not as unprepared against it, or any presences." A deep sigh. "... I won't have to worry about it forever."

"Spotted a couple of new faces. Interacted with Apprentice Vyrinne, a Pureblood, who surprisingly just told me to keep on with what I'm doing. Research, training, any lesson I can catch tidbits of, to snatch up. Despite everything against me, I wish to try. If this is the only choice I have, the only real choice, I will not just abandon it. Dalliances must become the lowest priority. I must ally, learn from peers, know the House intimately, to survive. Though I will fail, I will stave it off as long as I can."

"Though it is against the point, I must continue normal meditation to equalize. I must control the Dark Side, not become its puppet, if I am to retain any agency when I snap. I'm researching into every mental technique, ways to compartmentalize emotions, just as I have seen in Sith Soti. Though she considers me a worm, she is exactly what I need to be. The Eye of a Storm, the calm around which power flows."

The sound of a light clicking off precedes a period of quiet. Then a low humming, accompanied by a thumping sound, a clothed hand on metal for percussion. A rising wordless song, the beats of war... a soldier, marching on.

[Theprettiestorc]

Log 6

Elena's voice seems... much brighter, a higher note than her last Logs. "We had a meeting with the Arqutyr Directive today. Rather, it was a showing between members of both, in order that we might form an alliance. Lord Vess, a... Zabrak, I think? Gave a lesson in hand-to-hand combat. She was impressed by my enthusiasm and experience, though she probably doesn't know it's from my years surviving as a slave, fighting in pits. Learning from Seeing others fight."

"I met some of their people, left impressions... there is much less of a Pureblood population there, and I even hear there is a Miraluka Apprentice! Perhaps I might meet them at some point, gain insights to my own path. Also, there were four matches between the houses, separate duels. Two wins in the initial trio, with the last being Lord Sanguinis against a Darth. It was rather even, with stunning bladework from the former with a Saberstaff, but he eventually conceded. He..." Her voice drops. A deep sigh.

"... I Saw him. In the Lounge, before all this, and he was with Sam. Then I Saw the power put out, hurling Sam, crushing his legs. Removing his arms, battering his body before taking him away. Apprentice Leivé stated that Sanguinis doesn't idly throw people away, but... the cries cannot be unheard, or the experience forgotten."

Deep breath. "After some time to collect myself, I went back to finish in the Archives, moving about an Imperial exercise in progress. Whilst talking to Apprentice Johran, a device was tossed that put off the most awful noise! The commander seemed to have no trouble talking to Sith Soti and not excusing his actions, making me wonder at the heirarchy in place. Later, I told what I knew to the Lorekeeper. She seems at least somewhat more mellow about me, and entertained my questions on training. Perhaps I might ask her, when she might spare some time, if she might point me in the right direction as far as research."

"All in all, a productive day. It was the first time I could really demonstrate my natural abilities and physical potential. I wonder if I shouldn't focus more on Combat Forms than Powers, but it would be squandering advantages I have. Anyway, early time to turn in. I have to shake off the dry cold of Korriban with the wet cold here." She begins to hum, then sing, a chipper tune as cloth rustles. The recording stops soon after.

[Theprettiestorc]

Log 7

The recording begins, and there's a full minute of silence. Then a startled sound. "... gah, exhausted. Can't just... fall asleep on my own recording. I mean, I can, but... anyway. The end of my first week here. I officially met Apprentice Khatatas and his daughter, Acolyte Serexil. More connections forge, and though my place is low, I am being found useful."

"I Saw tempers of Sith Soti and Apprentice Zhephra flaring today, but I dare not ask. All I know is that they are both formidible fighters, having won their duels against Arqutyr. This was after I was pulled aside by a rather peculiar Pureblood I had Seen around, one with a strong Sense."

"Taking me to the Meditation Room, he began to ask me questions about my Sight, to Understand. I figured out that he, himself, is blind, and perhaps the idea of learning from someone who has been so all her life crossed his mind. Apprentice Khatatas... he asked later for me, Acolyte Serexil, and Acolyte Kaidar, to battle him all at once. Then, his Sense changed. More advanced, powerful... but untempered, as he failed to fend off the multitude of blows. Then he pulled at my energy, took our energy for his own in what was identified by Apprentice Zeldris as a Dark Heal. His Aura was empowered, wounded areas flowing with plundered regeneration. It was... magnificent, albeit extremely painful."

"I also signed up for a mission today. One to find artifacts, and a special meditation chamber's plans. It's to a cold moon, so hopefully, I might requisition a jacket if I'm allowed. Or... just freeze. I have yet to learn Force Tapas. I must at some point, though, any and all knowledge I can get ahold of. Apprentice Leivé seems amenable to helping me learn, and I will take advantage of such. Kaidar anticipates either dying or becoming an Apprentice, soon, which may explain Sith Tarati's behavior."

"Nonetheless... tomorrow is another day. I should sleep." As if an afterthought, she begins a lullaby in her language, soothing, calm. And slowly trails off. The recording continues for a few minutes of silence, and then it reaches the end of its alloted data.

[Theprettiestorc]

Log 8

The sounds of rain again, plinking against metal in a steady patter. The voice is feeble at first, before she clears her throat. "Bggghgghhggh. Getting... getting water from my r-robes. Logs while I d-do."

"Incident in the Archives. Johran was hovering around the L-Lorekeeper's desk. Admonished Acolyte Joslae for her disrespect. Later, Apprentice Leivé confronted him about it. Back and forth all day."

"Asked Sith Soti and Sith Tarati about Force Tapas. Both rebuked me. Apprentices Zeldris and Leivé gave me good advice. Alternated training inside with Force Shock, learned from" *kzzt* "and meditating outside, working on retaining heat. Came back to the training room to witness Leivé sparring Apprentice Khatatas. He had a blade imbued with the Dark Side. Will ask later... he lost fingers, went to the infirmary. I managed to get my request in, so he will provide a Thermal Suit. I will continue working on Tapas in the meantime."

"... we now have Acolyte Taenya, Apprentice Kaidar, and Apprentice Vax. Lattermost is... Sam, but new. Different. New arm, new legs, and a different attitude. He is much more subservient, and less... cocky. But he seems to still..." Cutting off, letting out a sigh. "... Lord Sanguinis used a strange technique on Leivé. She mentioned 'what he saw', and the power was substantial. Did he read her mind? Told me to bow my head around him, he hates me watching. Accompanied her downstairs, massaged her headache away." That's all she's saying on that matter.

"I... shouldn't ignore it any longer. I have Seen a poof of smoke in the lounge, where there shouldn't be. I could have sworn I Saw the faint form of a Twi'lek on Korriban, which lasted a few seconds. Today, in the lobby, I swear I Saw two guards appear and disappear almost instantly... without the Sense they were armored or armed. I am Seeing strange things already - I must gain control of my mind, compartmentalize, ground myself in reality. I will stave off the Madness as long as I can. Meditation will help, as even Sith must know when to stay their emotions, and when to call on them."

"Anyway. Apprentice Orgkez... measure of solidarity. He means well, but I worry he will struggle to compete against new Apprentices. Leivé... strong. Many Apprentices are now gaining Lightsabers. Apprentice Vaenra... taught a lesson on Force Wound, useful against non-users of the Force. Must train my Telekinetics to get further. Will combine training as much as possible, maximize learning. Maximize use of non-corruptive techniques, stave off my... Entropy."

"Getting better around Our Dark Lord, Darth Horuset. Getting used to hovering about the Dark Side. Getting used to playing with fire. I feel niceties becoming a front for Ambitions, Alliance. I must become, and remain, more useful than detrimental to the House as long as possible. Heard Apprentice Rûnil discuss paths. Considered myself Sorcerer, due to natural alignment with the Force, but may be my ultimate downfall, the fastest path to no return. Seems to be common though. Will debate later. Must get home."

Stepping through halls, sounds of doors opening, closing. The elevator... and inside, she begins to sing softly, in relative privacy. A sad song, one of mourning. For whom, though, or what? Only she might know.

[Theprettiestorc]

Log 9

Laboured breathing again, and the sound of cloth rustling. "... ahh..." Hurts, all over. "... changing bandages. Injuries, bad. Enough that I'm laying low for a good week or so, to focus on training and avoid the new power-happiness of the Apprentices. Or, at least, until I'm ready."

"One thing I've noticed, since starting here, is that some of the stubborn body fat I had that wasn't coming off before is burning away. I've been moving about much more, using all my energy, exhausting myself to every limit, and then surpassing it. Though it has been little over a week in House Horuset, it feels more like a month."

A pause, and the sound of a rip. "Started working on my Telekinesis today, but Apprentice Zeldris interrupted, asked me for a spar. I want to say I kept up, but between his Augmentation, Shock, and seemingly-endless aggression, ultimately, he laid me low. I had to be taken to the infirmary by some slaves - one of my arms will take some recovery before I can feel it again. Later, Apprentice Kaidar gave me a task, and... I refused, given the circumstances, effectively since it would insult a Sith. He retaliated with Lightning. I... passed out briefly in the Training Room, but got up before I could be dragged out."

"... and on the way out, Sith Soti was... merciless. She put out a message that other creeds and religions will not be tolerated, and removed the arm from a Zabrak Acolyte. I think? She had horns poking up, but I was a bit out of it. Nonetheless, another infirmary trip, and back to research and Telekinetics training, despite the headache."

Hrm. "Well, not before Apprentice Rendvir, under Our Dark Lord Herself, was taking me for questioning. Apprentice Orgkez tried to beat us up there and hide, but he was caught, and had his arm broken. Then I was given orders to not give him any information again." Sigh. "I'm in a maelstrom of politics. I was forthcoming about the Library incident with the Apprentice. He stated that what I inform people of, he is to be informed as well. Perhaps this is advantageous - if I am established as honest, it ensures I am not suspected or blamed for incidents that may occur around me. If I keep clean, I can survive."

"Night ended with a duel against Apprentice Vax, despite an arm down. He was purely on defense to make it even, and I had a few decent hits in - he respected my creativity. It's... what I've got, really. I must improve to hold my own." As traditional, she starts a song, but it's short - something of determination, before the recording ends.

[Theprettiestorc]

Log 10

Despite recent injuries, Elena's breathing is a lot more even today as she speaks. "Had a day out of the limelight, for once. Not much going on here because of such, but I still had a time."

"Day started with meditations and stretches, to work and exercise my muscles. During, I chatted with a... connection of mine. I got the idea, and so I went out into the Jungles, hunting out a waterfall. And, ensuring a clear area, began training Force Tapas once more. At the same time, Telekinetics to reduce the water hitting me. It... will not be so easy. Soaked, cold, miserable, but I endured, as I must. I seem to have mostly figured out the basics of Tapas, which is good! I shall try again tomorrow."

"Whilst warming at my bunk, I repaired my robes. I had some excess cloth, so I decided to make a new blindfold, this one more like a veil. Perhaps it will give me a better appearance." Her song tonight is drawn-out, perhaps to make up, with some calmn humming at the beginning and end, in a quieter tone.