Memoirs and Recollection of a Fractured Heart - Sovernus Nova

[Lord Iezkon]

Entry #16 of Horuset Chronicles:Contradictions and Farewell

***A detailed recount with in depth thought process by Sovernus in terms of evaluating the ordeal with Nobrcer's duel and Valqine's proposition.In addition to a detailed experience regarding Valkara's escape from the powerbase.***

Contradictions

Act as mortals in all that you fear, and like immortals in all that you desire.

An age-old wisdom purported to be spoken by another ancestor of mine, Lord Aganor Nova “The Vindictive”. An Arkanian of unstoppable resolute in the face of outnumbering adversity, he inherited the landscape of war from his predecessor. The failures of the Arkanian Dominion’s military to address the border conflict became the testing ground for his willpower, for many would have drowned in the ocean of despair when realizing the difference in comparative battle forces.

Against severe statistical odds, he mounted and executed three stratagems that became known as the “Novarian Offensives” that secured a decisive victory and shocking conclusion to the neighbouring wars. While history often praised his ingenuity and lauded him as a war hero, they neglected how wrongfully treated he was throughout his early days, to save a measure of face for the Arkanian Dominon.

As the second officially recorded patriarch of my legacy, the Nova name did not carry the immeasurable weight during the ancient period as it does in the modern era. Thus, he became the object of scrutiny due to controversies of his willingness to engage in the border conflicts and retaliate in full force. Whereas his peers were driven by inaction and dismissed him as a warmonger who has no place in an ‘intellectual society’.

They branded him an outcast, a degenerate, a test tube failure - which in a society that prizes itself in its genetical purity was one of the lowest insult one can say to an Arkanian.

Being driven to the edge of sustaining successive losses in multiple colonies, the Arkanian Dominion was at a lost for words. They had the utmost intellectual minds of the galaxy, the greatest scientists that the universe could offer- but they were missing the one crucial element. They were missing a militant. One who would embody their vengeance for these transgressions.

Allow the history books to regale how my ancestor went on an unrelenting crusade in greater details. I will only tell you that he prevailed. Rose to prominence. Became a paragon to our people. The ashes of his scorned enemies became the foundation of what we are today. And those that once belittled him on their velvet cushions ultimately revered and respected him.

Recognition often holds the highest value when it comes from those who scorned you.

My thoughts drifts onto my ancestor’s wisdom due to the circumstances I find myself in. I immersed in my fears, to understand the gravity and severity of situations- to accept the reality of my weakness and allow that essential dread to incentivize the rigorous effort I painstakingly made.

I committed to my desires to surmount the obstacles that were subjected upon me. Thoroughly broken, beaten, tortured, undermined, discriminated, betrayed and shattered. Each adversity I’ve conquered through has in so far led me to the one essential truth.

That despite the unwavering odds…

I am still here.

However, the same could not be said to a number of my peers. For many acolytes has disappeared into obscurity or has fallen prey to the machinations of others. Or to mine to be begrudgingly honest.

Regardless it was of no surprise that others have taken more direct approaches in undermining their competitors. Valqine of House Vorath and Nobrcer of House… Dolt? - decided they would cement their ‘rising’ to the prominent pedestals of the higher echelons of the acolyte pool by defeating who they assume to be a renowned acolyte.

Alencia…

The same Alencia who was telekinetically blown off by Lord Kalkoran for her flagrant incompetence. The same one who lost the privilege of possessing a left arm that was taken by Lord Sanguinis. The same that was scorned by many of her peers as a pathetic wretch.

My mind traces off to the reasons that might warrant her to be targeted by these two. Understandingly the Twi’lek’s mental capacity is…under-developed so it was possible that he was under some delusion that she was an acolyte of good reputation. His partner however, was discernably more intellectually attuned so I considered there was a deeper intrigue behind all of this.

Nevertheless, the two chose to adopt the same method of approach I was forced to conduct with Utahis- calling her out publicly through the official holocom. Though it was evident this was more of a show when Nobrcer had to scrounge up every inch of his brain cells to conjure up a cheap carnival pitch over the frequency.

It became an obnoxious banter between the Twi’lek and the red-hair. I was about to utterly chastise the both of them for clogging official frequencies unnecessarily, until Lord Kalkoran ordered Alencia to accept Nobrcer’s challenge, which ended the argument in a heartbeat.

I was welcomed with a sight of a crowd that had gathered. Nobrcer situated himself in the centre of the training pit as Valqine lurked to the side. The fact that he was already within the parameters of combat instantly confirmed to my mind that he would aid his partner when least expected. Alencia entered soon after and decided to start the whole show with her signature insults, but she was attentive to note Valqine’s presence and requested Uldrinn to step in should the former decide to cunningly intervene in the fight. Uldrinn rebuked her request stating that she does not order him around, as Valqine was forced to join the initial engagement of combat by an Apprentice who told him to either join in or get out.

It was a pathetic display.

The two had difficulties against someone who’s missing an arm. Granted she is an experienced acolyte and I was aware she was stylizing her combat defensively towards Soresu- but if you cannot break through the defense of someone who’s defensive bladework is at its infancy stage and you require an extra hand, that was nothing short of pitiful. They utterly lacked teamwork; their moves were contradicting each other. Instead of adding to the overall combat prowess, they diminished their cumulative strength.

But the results were expected, and the Twi’lek paraded in full pride and ego whilst Valqine no doubt felt this had cemented his worth in the eyes of many. We’ve all been wrong before.

Time passed by and I returned to the solitude of my training, sparring against acolytes that had now since disappeared due to various circumstances. Unfortunately, the same could not be said for Nobrcer who entered the training pit, boasting his victory and started exemplifying his muscles by doing pushups.

Apprentice Zhephra and Apprentice Black soon joined after and questioned regarding his decision in challenging Alencia. To which Nobrcer spoke that the red-hair was one of the top acolytes, implying that this had paved his way to the higher echelons of the acolyte pool. Both Apprentices rhetorically asked each other whether that was true, and both agreed that nothing could have been further from the truth.

It was then something I did not expect was uttered from the Pureblood’s lips.

“If you want to come on top. Fight someone who is actually on the top. Such as Acolyte Sovernus, who is by far even if it makes me want to kick myself saying this, is one if not the stronger Acolyte beside Cadeus Horuset.”

For someone who had been undermining, torturing, and discriminated me as an alien scum throughout my time within the House, it was rather unexpected to hear such. Even Apprentice Black seemed curious as to her words, even if he may share the same opinion.

Did I feel prideful or vain?

No, these were not the feelings that pervaded my mind. The closest sensation that exhilarated me was of resounding affirmation. That all my suffering had a meaning, that my painstaking efforts were rewarded in some measure. It confirmed to me that I had stayed true to my ancestor’s path and endured the trials with the conviction I inherited from my predecessors.

Even then it felt unnerving hearing the remark from the Pureblood. Apprentice Zhephra had always been a stark proponent- if not a zealous priestess that had often propagated the notion of Pureblood superiority. At times it was difficult to gauge whether it arises from inherent discrimination of other races, but this contrasting evidence had to be considered within the equation.

Perhaps I misjudged her. The fact she begrudgingly admitted that an alien is in high standings within a traditional House, shows that she is perhaps not driven by blind prejudice. What cemented this further was the notion that she even mentioned her own fiancée who’s regarded to have a genetical expression of purity of the highest order. Not to mention Cadeus is the unspoken alpha, someone who reminds me greatly of Herexil Tzisias.

Immediately animosity emanated from Nobrcer, and it fully consolidated his disposition towards me in full hostility. I felt a modicum of pity if not outright apathetic towards his demeanor, yet nonetheless I converted such into an antagonistic fuel, if only to devour his potential to add to mine.

Apprentice Zhephra gave him a choice. To either learn from me or fight me. Personally, I deem both choices to be interchangeable, for one can learn the most by engaging in spars or duels. Yet it seems the Twi’lek interpreted it as an outright clash for superiority and proclaimed that I should meet him in Korriban in 4 days’ time, citing that his leg was recovering.

There were too many things wrong in that sentence alone and I won’t list them all. For one, he assumed to be in a position of worth, and this is not from an arrogant standpoint but rather a factual view as that is intrinsically embedded generally into Arkanians. A threat more likely, as I am not as naïve to believe he is completely incapable- but a worthy challenge? I think not. To declare that it should be on sanctified soil of the revered Sith Order is nothing short of disgraceful, he does not hold a station of repute nor does any Sith in their right mind view him as someone worthy.

It is regrettable that he chose poorly, while I do not see him as someone of note- he is in alliance with Valqine who I ascertained was a potential investment. I considered that if this hostility is continued, it would not serve a healthy cooperation, so I approached Valqine regarding the situation in an attempt to dissuade Nobrcer from sealing his fate.

At this time, I was also gauging whether Valqine was willing to cast the Twi’lek out, if that was possible then I have no issues in crushing him into blue paste. But alas, it seems a sense of friendship bloomed between them as insufferable as it sounds.

Then there was the other issue.

Uldrinn approached me unexpectedly and started asking questions about Sovereign. There have only been four individuals within the Horuset Powerbase that would be able to draw conclusions and affirm his existence, two of which I have full confidence in. One drew dangerous conclusions, and opted to maintain a measure of distance onto the subject. The most likely would be the only one that was entranced- if not intrigued by the notion. I wondered whether the one eye’d acolyte had some dealings with the individual.

Regardless at this point I was losing my sense of self, and its evident from the recent writing patterns that I have become colder and detached- if not outright express a hint of flagrant animosity towards others incompetence, a result of Sovereign slowly enveloping tendrils into my mind. Regardless I provided the necessary answers to Uldrinn and opted to return to training room.

Nobrcer stood at the centre of the command deck training pit and attempted to provoke me. He taunted that I cowered away and approached Valqine to try and dissuade him from fighting me, claiming that I feared him. It would be foolish for me to state my true intentions and to give way to a such low-level provocation.

Instead I stated the obvious that it would be a pointless display and would serve no one, but it fell on deaf ears by Valqine, Uldrinn and Nobrcer. They all seem to encourage the continuation of this wasteful ordeal.

Regardless I stated I had no intentions of complying to a duel against someone who lacks worth. Nobrcer attempted to telekinetically drag me into the training pit, but it seems he was utterly dull to realise that our distance was vast and I had already consolidated a barrier.

I concealed a layer of deceitful taunt by stating that I would leave in 5 seconds if he does not do anything. To which the Twi’lek retorted that I would be forfeiting if I leave. I reached a level of apathy that was devoid of any care in the world, and told him to interpret it anyway he wants, while surging out a suppressive mental act.

He took the bait and surged forth with a constant full augmentation enveloping his entire figure. The moment he had done so, he had fallen into the trap I had placed and my plans slowly unveiled itself.

The battle was evidently unremarkable. He relied too heavily on his physique and constantly flowed augmentation throughout his entire body. I’ve clashed blades with those who’s strength towers behemoths and juggernauts whose strength was unprecedented, to develop a style that does not directly engage against their strength and focused on exploiting kinetic motion, center of gravity and environmental advantages.

Even then, whilst Nobrcer is indeed a prime example of a muscular build largely unfounded in his race, he utterly paled in comparison to the likes of Morgus Gra'kahn who I crossed paths too many times in the past than I care to admit. Regardless I envisioned the endgame before the fight started and flourished out Force Slow as my priority, to eventually add to the drainage of his being with his own overuse of force reserves.

The near end of the duel was predictable, and it was made far more amusing when I noticed the Twi’lek attempting to goad me into clashing blades against him when he had assumed a defensive stance two with his blades raised.

At this point I would want to illustrate the fact that I had frequently clashed blades with Utahis of House Aayu, as he guided and trained my command of the saber to a level of proficiency that would allow me to clash against those like him- whose lineages traces to masters of the sword and who devoted their entire lives to the art. I thoroughly analysed and scrutinized his combat methods from when I was ordered to duel him by Lord Sanguinis, and therefore in a single glance I already knew what Nobrcer was up to.

He was attempting Sequence 5: The Waterfall maneuver from Utahis’s ‘Aggressive Sequences’ notes. People often discredit Nobrcer’s intelligence, and admittedly I am one of them- but I am not as naïve to believe he is without a modicum of cunning or cleverness. And it was precisely because of this, that I did not provide him the satisfaction, even if I knew the perfect counter to that move. Instead I continued on with Force Slow and would eventually decimate his weakened and low responsive state.

Unsurprisingly Valqine interrupted and shouted for us to stop. Surprisingly though, Uldrinn intervened and casted a Force Push towards me from outside of the training pit. It was abundantly clear that it was to save Nobrcer. Even the Twi’lek is not as naïve to dismiss the fact that he was close to being defeated as he wasted no time sheathing his blade and walked off.

Hypocritically, both Valqine and Uldrinn argued that the fight was meaningless from the start- as though they had memory loss of the fact that I put forth that same argument even before the duel started, to prevent this wasteful ordeal from ever happening. When I pointed that out, they moved past that subject, not willing to admit to their hypocrisy and tried to end the topic altogether, while pulling out the ‘having the last say’ method to appear to be the ones above.

Another instance of double standards unveiled itself when Nobrcer quickly scurried off from the training pit. He was utterly weakened- at least he had the brain cells to know he would be beaten- otherwise he would not have left so eagerly. I used his own words against him stating that by leaving, he would be forfeiting- in which he attempted to brush the topic aside altogether in order to save face by not halting on his departure.

I intended to gauge Valqine’s parameters, whether he was blinded by delusions that pervaded with the Twi’lek. I’ve logically made my case apparent, noting fallacies in his partner yet he remained adamant in his falsehood. No doubt salvaging the remaining parts of his ego and pride. He attempted to place himself above me once more by concealing the aforementioned hypocrisy by moving swiftly to the topic regarding the proposal of the alliance. Speaking in a tone of false authority he said either I accept it or don’t and he won’t be waiting any longer.

This singular instance reminded me of how Nedhorroc attempted to charge me for information. I responded in a similar disposition as I did to the Zabak.

His previous demeanor and speech pattern immediately changed when I stared at him and bluntly told him that if conditions are met, I have no qualms in establishing a cooperation but if they remain the same then consider myself out. Perhaps he was under the impression I was vying for his cooperation, hence he felt that he could speak with more weight and leverage to impose upon me. When I made my position bluntly clear that I do not need him at all nor do I have any strong substantial desire to be in an alliance with him, he changed his tune and realized that his position is not as strong as he thought.

He attempted to make the proposal appealing once more, it became clear that he desired the cooperation more than me, hence he offered a series of promises on his end. One of them was promising to speak to the Twi’lek and turning him down a notch. At this point I was unwilling to continue on to the prospect of cooperation as he had shown the extent of his thought patterns, and I decided his liability outweighs what he could offer. Yet I expressed neutrality and told him that I’ll consider it.

I expected more from him.

What infuriates me more was not the logical fallacies that he made, nor the hypocrisy of his words, nor his denial of his own mistakes for sentimentality sensibilities with a second-class alien. It was his intellect. For someone who proclaims himself to be a mental exemplar, he has disappointed me beyond measure. He was no less a showman who parades around more than what he truly is, and retreats by covering up his mistakes at the first sight of being exposed.

I’ve decided to eliminate such undesirable traits within the acolyte pool. His downfall is inevitable, and there won’t be any fingerprints of my orchestration.

…And when he is finally broken, I’ll offer him a proposal he cannot refuse.

Farewell

I admit.

The sense of control has been blurred beyond my recognition.

Rereading the last few entries I’ve written, I’ve noticed discrepancies and a change in writing patterns- or more specifically my own thought patterns. This cold methodology that is laced with venomous ferocity with an inherent sense of logical superiority is no doubt the byproduct of Sovereign seeping into my mind.

The subtlety is aggravating. Despite no longer experiencing blackouts, I am well aware that his influence still haunts my soul. Feeling the vulnerability of the mind, you begin to understand that despite its vast complexity- it is utterly exposed. Fragile even.

I’m losing myself, and I’m captivated by fear so terrifying that walls seem to be closing in on me. Trapped in a perpetual cage of twilight and shadows despite having free reign. I don’t even trust my senses anymore.

The only one that keeps me centered is Valkara. And even then, it has started to wane in its effect. As though the affliction that has consumed my mind had reached a plateau, and I am treading across the thin wire that is the lifeline of my consciousness.

Against my judgement, Valkara sought to meet me before her departure. I was driven by relentless fear and anxiety that overwhelmed my senses as to her decision, she was close to escaping the powerbase but risked it all by meeting me- someone who may unknowingly thwart her daunting escape.

...She said she had to say farewell in person, even if it means risking her freedom altogether.

The foolishness in this one…The utter disregard for her own safety is nerve-rackingly astonishing…And yet…I’ve never been enamored and captivated by someone’s naivety before. The lengths she would take…the risks she took to have this one moment. I could never understand her, but perhaps that is why I’ve developed feelings for her.

Her sorrowful expression projected inconsolable sadness. As though despite everything that lead her to this path of departure, she herself still had second thoughts. But when my mind questioned the doubt and hesitancy of her leaving, she realized she was leaving someone behind in the cruel world she was escaping from.

Despite the vast lexicon and advanced vocabulary that I possessed. I came across a disquieted moment within my mind. For someone who often flex on creative diction and phrasing, I found myself robbed of words. I could not remember the last time I was speechless and not by choice. But this moment of silence we had together, somehow made up for all the painful words we had thrown at each other in the past.

We embraced in warmth, clasping tightly as though holding the broken pieces of our shattered selves. Her hug was comforting, cradling the hurt that has been tormenting me ceaselessly to no end. When you have a vast mind that always explores the worst outcomes in every single scenario, you become burdened by anxiety. Fear. Paranoia. But these words that once plagued me endlessly began to lose its meaning in her embrace. And for once, my mind gradually became clear and I experienced something I had not considered possible for someone like me.

Peace.

She released our embrace and gently placed her hand on my cheek, gazing at me with those brilliant oceanic blue eyes that I often found myself drowning in their beauty. With soft spoken words she whispered with pleading eyes, to come and run away with her together.

It took immeasurable strength for me to say the words, but it had to be spoken. I told her she has to abandon me. Her expression was heart wrenchingly painful to witness, I no longer could look directly in her eyes when I was driven by so much conflict. She held my hand gently, as she looked at me once more and whispered ‘Please’

…As much as it pained me, I made my decision clear.

If by staying in this hell I would be able to secure her freedom- if that is what it took then I would not hesitate in paying it. With tears glistening she eventually accepted that this was how it must end. But like the bright radiance of her exuberance, she saw a silver lining through the dark haze and promised she would come back for me.

I held down my broken heart and managed to uphold the façade I’ve held for the longest time- brandishing a false smile I told her what I’ve told her many times before, she should only think about that once she was safely with the Jedi, and perhaps I’ll even find my own way out and reunite with her.

…It was the one single lie I kept telling her. In truth, I had no intentions of escaping. She held onto me for so long that she lost sense of how broken I truly am. There was no redemption for me, the atrocious things I’ve done cannot be absolved. There is undeniable pain and endless hatred in this vessel of mine, and yet in her grace she sought to look past all that and believed in some light that was non-existent.

She begrudgingly expressed her farewell before leaving a lasting impression- she disappeared into the night soon after as the moon illuminated where she last stood. I was left in the isolation of my own sorrow, and an overwhelming sense of shame gripped me. I left her with a hope that will never come to pass. A lie I never intended to release. A burden I will forever carry on my consciousness.

I curled up to the side of the wall and kept telling myself, it had to be done. There was no other way …When she held my hand, I felt her longing. I realized how much we cared for one another, and felt regret for not expressing it sooner…I was consumed with so much fear with what could happen, that I neglected the signs of her affection. Now more than anything, I wish to turn back time if only to express my feelings and savour the grace of her presence that I took for granted. 

…It was necessary. It had to be done.

I did what was right… But I can’t…I simply can’t understand why… Why do I feel so broken when I did the right thing? Why does my heart ache with so much pain? I keep telling myself that this was for the best. It had to be for the best.

I lost sense of it all. I don’t know whether I am caught in my own lies in an attempt to justify what I did.

…Now the one person that brought light into my world has disappeared. She escaped with a lie that she held close to her heart, a lie that was spoken by someone who holds her dear. She left with a gleaming hope that one day we will be reunited once more.

But I know the truth.

…We will never meet again.

Spoiler: OOC: Song To Listen to After Reading -"Farewell"- Section of the Entry

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