Memoirs and Recollection of a Fractured Heart - Sovernus Nova

[Lord Iezkon]

Entry #13 of Horuset Chronicles:Superiority and Ultimatums

***A recollection of one's own position being heightened as an alien in a traditionalist House as well as its implication and consequences, in addition to an update on Apprentice Valkara's escape plan away from Lord Sanguinis ***

Perceptions

Tradition is not the worship of ashes, but the preservation of fire.

As such the House exemplifies ideals that are stone rooted since time immemorial, laws that remains true millenias prior remains true presently. The Sith Purebloods are intertwined with the ancient foundation, and as such the purity they express through their genes is accepted as a form of superiority and right of conquest.

Within a traditionalist House it is natural for the Purebloods to maintain a degree of prestige and superiority. Humans are treated less than Purebloods but are generally accepted. However, for aliens, we suffer the prejudice, discrimination and face scrutiny on a constant basis. These unspoken boundaries and lines are made to establish a hierarchy, one that is based on initial birthright.

I experienced my share of discrimination and heavy-handed scrutiny during my initial months. Verbal insults and sudden punishments were subjected onto me, primarily due to prejudice. Regarding treatment, it was no different from the old days in Korriban. Though gradually I’ve proven myself time and time again.

This sense of resolute commitment to temper one’s skill is embedded deeply within me. Arkania is built upon a meritocracy for millenias, our civilization thrives on one’s worth in terms of quality and excellence. In that regard, there exists a certain similarity between the Sith and Arkanians. In that one’s merit allows ourselves to succeed, and that competition exists intrinsically in our culture. Perhaps it is due to this that I welcome any and all adversity, provided it supports personal development.

The dynamics of relations drastically changed after a series of events, one such was when an assignment tasked by Lord Sanguinis was completed which involved many Apprentices and Acolytes. In due part of my contribution, I received recognition accordingly. I was present within a room alongside with the heir to House Aayu, Utahis- where he was questioned by our superiors regarding his involvement and leadership in said task. After which they questioned regarding my involvement. It seems as though they were already aware of my accomplishments and the answers I provided in regards to strategy, tactics and thoughts on leadership reflected great potential within me- if not outright impressed them.

It was here where Utahis was ordered to be placed under my wing, to further develop and temper himself. The concept and idea itself was unprecedented. While it is natural for a less capable aspirant to be placed under another more capable aspirant, this had social implications that ruptured throughout. As a traditionalist House that prides itself in its prestigious right of blood, a Sith Pureblood is the unspoken dominant race above all others. Aliens such as myself are second handed beings, often treated with prejudice and discrimination. Therefore, it was unprecedented and unheard of for an alien to be in charge of a pureblood, specifically within a traditionalist house.

This did not sit well with many zealous minded Purebloods superiors who believes supremacy lies within their crimson genetic expression, racially patriotic with a severe outlook on purity, as opposed to individual competence and capability. I came under intense scrutiny and occasional torture to remind me of my place by certain individuals, though not all Purebloods shared the same sentiment, there were a number of Purebloods who believed the sanctity of worth regardless of whether I was an alien or not.

I trained rigorously with Utahis, who has shown me to be skillfully adept and well versed in Saber Combat. Admittedly his physical aptitude is superior to mine, due to his genetical advantages and an inherent affinity towards close combat. A certain sense of rivalry dwelled within, as he no doubt would want to return the favor and establish his dominance over me. All for the sake of temperance, it was necessary and openly welcomed.

Training in Isolation

As an Apprentice, Valkara had the authority and rank to order those within the acolyte pool to her whims. On a particular day, she caught both Utahis and I clashing blades and Force abilities with one another before she decided to order us to assist in her training in Drommund Kaas. Within the thick jungles and vast landscape, we were able to creatively use the environment and integrate it within our spars. I sought to train and consolidate advanced force powers such as Force Slow and Force Wound within our fights, while Utahis continued on utilising aggressive sequences of Shii-Cho. After which we would fade our exhaustion away by conversing and the three of us were becoming closer to one another, moreso than we already were.

Observing the two, I found it amusing how one embodies the affinity towards Saber Combat while the other in Force Skills. This dualistic concept paved my thoughts to the deadly combination they could be if fighting together in perfect symphony. Aside from that, Utahis became aware of my mental issues regarding Sovereign. Apparently Valkara trusted him enough to speak about this internal conflict of mine. He was more supportive than I imagined when he confronted me about it, though upon further discourse it was made apparent he was dealing with a similar issue. Though his other side was known as ‘Nuniji’ and was more domineering with bloodthirst akin to those Purebloods of olds.

I could not recall what transpired next, though for the next couple of days I was able to piece together information on what happened during one of those spars. Apparently to my knowledge, my mental stability snapped and I was reduced to a broken droid who’s only protocol was to regurgitate fragmented memories and relive them. In an effort to quell them with some semblance of control, I sought to clear my mind at the waterfall.

What occurred during this blank period of my memory lead Utahis to be nearly drowned, and from the inability to respond to an urgent Holocall, caused Lord Kalkoran to threaten dismantling his ancestral blade. When he was able to answer the public comms, the Sith Lord had already decided and ended his transmission whilst Alencia continued to taunt over the frequency.

The entire experience enraged the Pureblood, as his emotions started seeping through our training eventually showing the more vicious and ferocious side of him. Often it lead me to be on the receiving end, with blood streaming out of my body. Something changed within him as he became more focused and determined in his methods, something Valkara had noted as well. As though the more amicable and friendly disposition turned grimmer and detached from the world.

Valkara’s plan to escape the clutches of Lord Sanguinis remains evident, and I delved deeper into formulating alternative plans for her to leave the powerbase. She had this form of bond with her former Jedi master Atreus Eetu and have been attempting to establish contact with him. I’ve made efforts in covering our tracks and minimized any indication of her intentions in escaping, throughout this time I was propelled by an inherent desire to ‘save’ her.

Perhaps it was due to a certain similarity in our situations. I’ve longed to escape the strings of my father, and so I understood what freedom meant for her. Whereas my freedom lies in the path of the Sith, hers was to return to the path of the Jedi. Or maybe I’ve grown to care for her, perhaps not in the same way as Utahis- who seemed to have a certain fixation towards her.

Yet these recent days of hardship had changed him drastically, and his misguided attempt to help her only caused more strife. Under the pressure of our superiors who has major expectations of him, he became more focused in his desire to become Sith, even to the point of casting Valkara aside and willing to strike her down to appease our betters. At this point, the only one that she could rely on was myself and that placed a heavy burden on me. But I was more concerned with the way events unfolded and how the dynamics of our relationship between the three of us changed detrimentally.

Somehow, I have a strange feeling we were lead to this outcome.

Ultimatums

Ever since Utahis trudged on to consolidate his worth to our pureblood superiors such as Apprentice Zhephra, Lord Saud and Lord Kalkoran, I was the only one that Valkara could rely on. We began detailing the plans in the waterfall area that became our training ground In Drommund Kaas. It became our sanctuary of sorts, for us to be able to converse in complete candor and honesty without having to fear the repercussions of the Sith, especially concerning a Sith Apprentice who intends to escape to become a Jedi. That has heresy marked all over it.

We were occupied by idle chatter and enjoying ourselves to the scenery that our lush environment offered until a brooding sensation crept over me. Gradually the ominous feeling grew and grew as it started weighing heavily from the mind then to my body, as though my willpower to even stand became an issue. My heart was racing as I didn’t know what was happening at first, until a presence made itself known that brought a familiar sense of dread.

It was Lord Sanguinis.

It was here that the master and the apprentice engaged in intense dialogue. Lord Sanguinis continued chastising her for her weakness to cling unto the light and regaled how she should accept the dark side. Emotions ran high, and each word gradually became more venomous as the former Jedi began raising her voice in retaliation to the Lord’s domineering words. He voiced his demand for Valkara to play part in ambushing her former Jedi master Atreus Eetu, but she was vehemently refusing the role.

A few moments after Lord Sanguinis fixated his attention to me, keeping me down with an intangible grip of the Force. He mused to himself on what he should do with me. But the considerations he spoke of etched a grim revelation.

He mused on how I aided in providing intel to him…regarding the entirety of Valkara’s plans.

My heart sank twice its length. As memories started unveiling itself in painful epiphany. Those blank moments and periods in time, where I could not recollect anything, Sovereign had taken over and has been productive in instigating plans to ruin Valkara. The missing hours between the Krath Temple and delivering Lord Sanguinis with the amulet was used to inform him of this critical intel. I was misled to believe that the meeting I had with the lord was the only time, as it would not be logical to approach him twice on the same day to deliver him information and give him the amulet on two separate occasions.

I realized the true obstacle to her escape was not an external force. But one that was internal. Deep within me. I caused all of this. It was foolish of me to not consider the possibility. I was no different from an undercover spy, or more appropriately a sleeper agent to orchestrate her downfall. I felt the cracking of my emotions and felt Sovereign’s clutches wrapping his dark tendrils over my mind. I was overcome by guilt. The way she looked at me when she realized I was responsible for all of this. I cannot begin to describe how agonizing it was. While Lord Sanguinis seemed pleased with me, Valkara on the other hand was conflicted.

I tried to raise my mental defenses, to reawake my willpower. The lord’s presence of subjugation was overwhelming and the initial attempts to stand from my undignified position resulted only in failure. I continued to surge forth with all my frustrations, self-loathing and my hatred for being unable to prevent all of this from happening. This was all my fault. I was too weak to prevent it. Too feeble to control these events. A flash of my father’s disapproving infernal eyes blazed through traumatizing memory lanes.

I never felt more disgusted nor abhorrent towards myself, to be the one responsible to deprive her of her possible freedom- Something I wished no one else should ever experience, it tore me apart in ways words could never explain.

Something within me aligned itself amidst all the abyssal emotions. And with it I found myself no longer on the ground, but haphazardly standing as though a force of gravity still anchored onto me. For the majority of it, I subconsciously utilized what I know of anatomy to prop myself up. The pressure remained evident, as shown with my rather broken posture with legs awkwardly apart and knees bent to support the lack of willpower flowing through it.

“Unexpected.”

Lord Sanguinis mused as he observed with hawk-like eyes, watching as I gradually risen from the undignified position, attempting to resist through mental defenses, the intangible grasp that afflicts me. As I was shivering and trembling before him, he took a moment of silence. But the pause broke as he extended his right hand into a decisive crushing motion.

I felt my knee completely ruptured. As though it was a pillar holding up a stone foundation being blasted and demolished with not an ounce of single mercy, through demolitions of intangible force. There was no end to my screams of agony, no end to the excruciating tears from the painful nerve response.

Valkara was visibly distraught and glistening with tears when it happened, something that Lord Sanguinis noticed. As though he saw an opportunity, he leveraged my life against her former master’s. He gave her a dark ultimatum.

To save my life. Or to save her former master.

Emotions came like tidal waves as the conflict within herself became visibly shown in distressed fervor. Until she finally came to her conclusion. She chose to save me. After a few final words, Lord Sanguinis departed, leaving the both of us to our devices. Valkara supported me through the jungles until we eventually reached the medbay.

A few days later as I was recovering in Th’Asidra’s medbay. It reminded me of my initial months in the powerbase, where the medical bay was my unspoken dormitory due to the amount of injuries I constantly sustained. I was visited by Valkara who wanted to see how I was doing. But more stringent matters consumed my mind than my own wellbeing. I told her that we can never meet again, that I needed to maintain my distance away from her.

She was not expecting this and started questioning me why. I regaled on how I unknowingly caused her plans to be revealed to Lord Sanguinis, that perhaps through me Sovereign will continue to feed off intel on the plans. There was still a possibility to construct a new plan, one that not even the Sith Lord knows, there exists the means to escape but she has to plan it without me. As much as she protested that it was not my fault, I vehemently disagreed and allowed my decision to stand.

I remember it clearly as though it was only yesterday. Her expression was that of isolation, regret and sadness. Without another spoken word she reluctantly backed away, and as she did the gut wrenching feeling stirs within my heart. After a final telepathic message to her, she responded with her own before leaving me to the cubicle of my own isolation.

I was a liability and too much of a volatile factor. Sovereign’s influence broke through multiple chains as a result of what unfolded, the chess game that we were playing has matured from its infancy stage and nearing its end. This fractured heart needs to be mended before it is broken and shattered.

Though my thoughts bleeds for Valkara. There was no one else to aid her in her endeavor. Moreso her emotions are compromised than ever before. She’s completely and utterly alone with only torment as her companion.

One of the strongest fear I have is for someone I care about to suffer the same traumatic experience that lead to the fracturing of my heart in Korriban. To be utterly devoid of hope, unrelenting despair and reduced to nothingness. It is a severely traumatizing experience that I wish would never happen to someone close to me.

This separation must happen to prevent such from ever occurring.

As much as my heart aches...

…It had to be done.