Memoirs and Recollection of a Fractured Heart - Sovernus Nova

[Lord Iezkon]

Entry #8 of Horuset Chronicles:
Trials and Tribulations

***A collection of organised records of expanding one's knowledge and networks as well as other developments. ***

Often the pivotal point in a Siths life stems from the survival of the trials.

One of the most vulnerable moments in the progression of a Sith are the severity of the trials. A culling period in which many have fallen deep into the sands, to be forgotten for worthier Siths to tread upon.

During the days of Korriban, I’ve experienced this wretched form of adversity in its most visceral splendor. Many fellow acolytes fell victim from the challenges of the trials, but moreso from the machinations of their competitors. I vaguely recall Frelan Drul’s scheme that led to four acolytes clashing blade to blade, unaware of the quicksand they stood upon. Needless to say, the drowning of their panicked voices etched a grim reminder for those who dared stood against him. Verily, with Morgus Gra'kahn, those two were the absolute beasts of the generation, with the former outplaying and maneuvering and the latter harshly subjecting me constantly to near death states.

There were countless schemes and intrigues intertwined within the Korriban trials, and more often than not, the true obstacles and challenges were your peers rather than the trial itself. The severity and bloodshed were omnipresent, with multitudes of alliances breaking at the sound of perpetual backstabbing. In certain ways, the furnace of that particular generation was unrelentingly scorching.

In comparison, the trials from Horuset were objectively driven and disciplined. The machinations and conspiracies were principally absent, and cooperation was far more achievable than my previous experiences. Perhaps the difference lies in the overall goal, all acolytes are under the powerbase’s oversight and all had equal opportunity to survive and succeed. There was no underlying motivation of reducing your competitors and eliminating them entirely from the waking world.

The first trial was peculiar. Beast hunting is seldom an experience many have gathered, yet from the hands raised by the acolytes it seems many has had some degree of practice in the past. A creature cloaked in dark leather with piercing red orbs that makes Correlian wine look distinguishably pale in comparison was the object of our scrutiny. Daoshim’s brutal and animalistic strength draws from its primal fury, driven with a single-minded purpose of ripping acolytes into fine ribbons.

In Ryloth, my presence seems to draw a number of acolytes, who were eager to congregate and cooperate. Initially I was reluctant, but nonetheless I provided a plan and strategy to combat the beasts. I felt my presence is more suited for advisory and strategic planning- an inherent desire to remain within the shadows rather than the spotlight, deferring the leadership elsewhere. I’ve provided my plans and given rudimentary guides and orientations of what my fellow acolytes will focus upon, exploiting Xuna’s inherent lightning reflexes to wither the beast’s mobility as well as Valkara’s potent skills in the force to focus on environmental aspects, supporting and chaining abilities one after the other. I remained positioned in a state of observance, adjusting our strategies accordingly. There were times when my tactics failed, and often I had to continue switching strategies and relaying them to my peers to be executed.

The end of the first trial, provided much information on how the system works. The results showed the unsatisfactory mark on my being, unsuccessful with noted traits. I realized at this point that to be successful is to firmly be proactive and assuming actions that were progressively objective in the oversight of our superiors. At which point I discarded the notion of myself being successful, due to my orientation of planning and delegating, displaying a less than proactive action under watchful eyes which would make myself unremarkable in comparison to the promising candidates in the spotlight.

The second trial was concerning survival in the coldest of weathers. A desolate ice wasteland that challenged our survival skills in the harsh climate. Fortunately for me, I was raised in such a climate and felt more at home than out in a deadly landscape, granted I required to use Force Tapas and gathered materials that would provide warmth and fire but in comparison my struggle was not as prevalent and testing as my peers. Again, I was brought into a position where I had to visualize the objectives and what needs to be done.

Eventually I realised there were too many egos looming about, none wanted to listen to one another as certain people such as Nobrcer, Natellia and Uldrinn sought to ‘lead’ the group, while staking on their own voices to be heard. Initially many of us were bickering over trivialities, and a useless conflict arises in a number of people striving to take leadership in the group. I could not care less who the leader is, but objectives must be met. I had to readjust my strategy to make them move and gather materials, resources and start building on a survival foundation. I made my displeasure evident and sought to lure others to be productive, leaving hints and subtly edging them to do certain tasks by means of subtle inquiries and statements that would compel them to be active.

In their initiative and desire to seize opportunity, they started moving accordingly. Slowly they completed my mental list, and we were finally progressing. It made me wonder how long it would take for them to break out of the useless conflict if I had not subtly intervened. Regardless, the trial ended and my lack of proactive action confirmed the results once more as unsuccessful.

The third trial was one filled with constant readjustment to strategies. We were sent to Tarren to investigate on rumors of an uprising, gathering intel from the locals to piece together what is happening there. I had the initial displeasure of having to deal with Nedhorroc, who compromised my initial contact with his over the top aggression and lack of awareness. Regardless while my plans were thwarted by his demeanour, whether with the intent of sabotage or not, I opted to relinquish such burden. I moved towards Valkara and Leive who were speaking to an older gentleman, yet I realised my presence was at a limit of the target’s capacity. The moment Xuna attempted to join, the limit went over the threshold and compromised the entire situation. I apologized for my involvement in the matter and moved towards the bar. For a moment I stood by the counter, having failed on two occasions due to external interference, I had to rethink and adjust my plans accordingly. Spending my time then to observe the people within the room, their behaviours, their clothings, their pattern of speech.

It was there when I pinpointed Nobrcer with a rather timid individual by the name of Prae, noting how he referred to himself as ‘Cady’. Assuming my position, I entered the sphere of their conversation and introduced myself. The Rutian was completely unamused, subtly threatening me to leave - perhaps fearing I would steal his prey. Ironically, his attempt to shoo me away was what consolidated my presence there. He told me to check up on another gentleman at the bar (his attempt to make me leave) and referred to me as ‘’boss’’ in the same equal term as ‘’bud’’ or ‘’pal”, but Prae took this at literal value assuming that I was the cantina owner. Which I swiftly adapted my identity and assumed such. From there I took leverage of the conversation, with both Nobrcer and Nedhorroc supporting my identity as theirs hinges on mine. Both claimed to be working for the cantina, the former not working yet while the latter being part of security. And who better to support their identity than the owner himself?

The trial ended and I regaled the information to Valkara, opting for her to maintain as the crux of the entire cooperation. I’ve completed the trials to the minimalist of standards, while I find discordance with the results, I reminded myself that to remain in obscurity is to be unremarkable and I had to accept that.

Valkara on the other hand became Lord Sanguinis’s apprentice. The first of our generation to be elevated, and no sooner than when she completed the trials no less. The ascension- while it was anticipated and calculated, was nonetheless noteworthy and remarkable. She performed exceedingly well in her trials and in addition to gaining the lord’s favor from his personalized test, this cemented her worth as a promising apprentice. There was a mixture of feelings that stirred within me, though it abruptly came as a shock in my mind.

I felt no pride as an ally, nor envy as a fellow aspirant. I was driven by thoughts that were contrasting to my usual trail of thoughts, where I would have relished on the multitude of thoughts on how to advance further, to orchestrate future plans and machinations that involved her new position.

But I was met with the feeling of concern and sorrow.

Gazing at her from afar, I realized the burden that was placed on her shoulders. Knowing her past as a Padawan, and her inner resolve to secure the light within herself- I could not help but empathize the severity of the situation. Her light would be vulnerable, surrounded by the gaping jaws of darkness, only to be devoured whole.

I find myself questioning these thoughts…No. These feelings. It is unbecoming of a Sith, and incongruous for myself to be drawn to such a concern. But I could not shake it off. There’s parts of me that wanted her to be saved. To be released from the dark tendrils of the Dark Side’s corruption, away from the clutches of the Sith’s design.

…. Why am I drawn to these thoughts?

What conceivable plague has possessed me to care for someone who treads the path of light? Perhaps these feelings bleed from the compassionate heart I inherited from my mother, often compromising the ruthless ways of my father.

Or maybe it was due to the Jedi meditations and methods that softened my heart, piercing the shadows enveloping my mind. I find my rationality fiercely clashing with my feelings, one dictating the terms of darkness and the other with light.

This heart aches with painful agony from this dichotomy, attempting to reconcile the feelings of profound empathy holding onto the weight of thousands of tears against the unrelenting frost of utter ruthlessness.

In the end, I am left adrift in an ocean of wintry waves.

Drowning in the dissonance of my reflection.