[IC] Elena's Holodiary

[Theprettiestorc]

Log 23

"... Failure. That's what's on my head, from what I'm told. If I had never heard it, I would only know a scar, but no, I have been ordered to show it off, to not cover it in any way, so everyone can see."

A choked sound. "I... cannot do this. All I am is just... another Alien. An excuse to be culled and gain favor. Another expendable body. A tool. There is nothing to be gained from spite. I will never amount to a Sith when I am only expected to die. I will not be allowed, no matter how skilled I become, no matter how much effort or hard work I put in, to have any freedoms. I am fooling myself."

"I am still a slave. Moreso than ever before. So how can I ever become what I'm not, when the biggest chain I have is the fact that I was born an Alien? I cannot break that, I cannot change it. It will always weigh me down, until I sink into the mire of madness, or die."

"... three times should I be dead. When I used the Force to save myself, and was taken as an Acolyte on Korriban. When I was left to die in a Korribani tomb. When I was impaled, just recently, once again. It all comes back to there - I was meant to die in the first place, should have let myself be strangled and Shocked to death."

There's a long two minutes of silence, just... broken breathing.

"I must fix this. Everything will be better for it - all my life does is suffer, bring suffering. There is no point to living if all I can do is die. So I will do it on my terms. And I don't feel anyone will ever listen to this - I will just be another failure, a bit of paperwork."

"... I'm sorry." The last two words are an afterthought, a shift in tone. And the recording cuts off, for the first time, without any song.