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29-04-2023, 10:41 PM
Entry Three: Unwanted.
*The holo communicator briefly makes an audible buzzing sound and the familiar light blue hue makes itself visible. The form of the slim, golden haired women seated on the ground follows shortly after, legs resting in a somewhat awkward position. Valkara would appear different in a sense, her gaze staring down toward the palms of her hands that remain resting on top her lap.*
“I can’t stand this, I can’t. So much has happened within my time here and I wish I wasn’t apart of it. Those who occupy the halls of this ship are broken… every, single, one.
I’m losing hope, everything I thought I could accomplish here is proving more and more difficult. How stupid, arrogant and single minded was I to believe I could fight against it, perhaps even keep the light side of me long enough for Master Eetu to make contact to aid me to escape; Though what’s the point? I have committed crimes against everything I stood for, would they even accept me back? Lord Sanguinis is getting exactly what he wants, and I hate it.”
*The women looked up toward the holo-communicator, it’s clear she’s been in the state of emotional distress for several hours prior to the given time. Using her left hand as her thumb massages against the palm of her right hand, nervously. Her eyes puffy, red and bloodshot as they look directly toward the holo.*
“Firstly, we were informed of a task to retrieve a full set of armour belonging to a former knight of Zakuul. Not much information was given before we were shipped off to Korriban. I never ventured much further from the academy, so the location we were thrown into was unknown to me however it didn’t look much different from the dull, sandy plain I was familiar with.
We were put into groups, made to search the area to find anything of interest and I of course, found nothing but sand and stones. Someone found something, or rather disrupted something which later lead onto a fight for survival as a horde of beetle-bug-things emerged from the sand and surrounded our position. I managed to keep them at bay as Eliannah force shocked them to dwindle their numbers, but it didn’t seem to do much. Before I knew it, Eli collapsed, it was my duty to pull her back into the group as we moved closer to one-another as their numbers kept increasing and ours were clearly decreasing. It was clear, everyone was reaching their limits.”
“A single person made their way to retrieve the armour, disregarding the fact we all were struggling in our own ways. Working as a team, we managed to distract the bugs long enough to make the mission a success. Once the armour was recovered, we fled back toward the ship. I offered my aid to Eliannah as she clearly needed it, however her mind was clouded by emotion that she wanted to continue on… i did ensure her safety regardless. It pains me to say that the whole ordeal was enjoyable? The adrenaline alone made it worthwhile though i had no way of surviving as long as i did without drawing from the emotions i had kept locked away. A single step in the wrong direction.”
*Valkara reaches toward the holo device raising it from the floor and placing it on top a table, standing from her previous seated position as she’d stand tall, hands clasping each other against the small of her back. Her facial expression shows pain, regret and struggle seeming to try and hold her own against the news to come.*
“I did something, i-... it was never my intention neither has it happened before. I took part in another lesson, force barriers to be precise. The lesson progressed as expected, a lot of talking along with some practical teachings before Marlios had entered. He attended the lesson extremely late and in response was punished severely. He was expected to form a barrier to withstand the power of several acolytes and their force push, which we all already knew it wasn’t going to happen. I almost feel as though i was in a trance, focusing on myself and perfecting my ability… i never thought of the repercussions on the actions i was about to commit. Everyone did as instructed, as did i; His barrier broke and so did his body, the sound still haunts me as he looked like a doll that was aimlessly tossed aside.
To make matters worse i was asked to aid in bringing him to the medbay, and i still didn’t think of his well being. I overheard the lords speaking a short while after, Marlios had died from his wounds. Then it hit me, i was responsible for the death of another and i didn’t even care whilst i did it. Why didn’t i? I have been thinking about this constantly since it transpired. I could’ve faked it, or not have put so much into it… i treated him like a training dummy and i hate myself for it. I’ve never killed anyone before, never played a part in harming another until Lord Sanguinis forced me into this new life. I can’t return, if the Jedi ever get the chance to bring me home i will never be accepted, i can’t even accept myself.”
“I could include more updates, but for now i would rather not. I will try to keep fighting for who i -am-, i can’t lose that. End transmission.”
*Valkara’s form would diminish as the light blue hue of the holo communicator does so as well.*
*The holo communicator briefly makes an audible buzzing sound and the familiar light blue hue makes itself visible. The form of the slim, golden haired women seated on the ground follows shortly after, legs resting in a somewhat awkward position. Valkara would appear different in a sense, her gaze staring down toward the palms of her hands that remain resting on top her lap.*
“I can’t stand this, I can’t. So much has happened within my time here and I wish I wasn’t apart of it. Those who occupy the halls of this ship are broken… every, single, one.
I’m losing hope, everything I thought I could accomplish here is proving more and more difficult. How stupid, arrogant and single minded was I to believe I could fight against it, perhaps even keep the light side of me long enough for Master Eetu to make contact to aid me to escape; Though what’s the point? I have committed crimes against everything I stood for, would they even accept me back? Lord Sanguinis is getting exactly what he wants, and I hate it.”
*The women looked up toward the holo-communicator, it’s clear she’s been in the state of emotional distress for several hours prior to the given time. Using her left hand as her thumb massages against the palm of her right hand, nervously. Her eyes puffy, red and bloodshot as they look directly toward the holo.*
“Firstly, we were informed of a task to retrieve a full set of armour belonging to a former knight of Zakuul. Not much information was given before we were shipped off to Korriban. I never ventured much further from the academy, so the location we were thrown into was unknown to me however it didn’t look much different from the dull, sandy plain I was familiar with.
We were put into groups, made to search the area to find anything of interest and I of course, found nothing but sand and stones. Someone found something, or rather disrupted something which later lead onto a fight for survival as a horde of beetle-bug-things emerged from the sand and surrounded our position. I managed to keep them at bay as Eliannah force shocked them to dwindle their numbers, but it didn’t seem to do much. Before I knew it, Eli collapsed, it was my duty to pull her back into the group as we moved closer to one-another as their numbers kept increasing and ours were clearly decreasing. It was clear, everyone was reaching their limits.”
“A single person made their way to retrieve the armour, disregarding the fact we all were struggling in our own ways. Working as a team, we managed to distract the bugs long enough to make the mission a success. Once the armour was recovered, we fled back toward the ship. I offered my aid to Eliannah as she clearly needed it, however her mind was clouded by emotion that she wanted to continue on… i did ensure her safety regardless. It pains me to say that the whole ordeal was enjoyable? The adrenaline alone made it worthwhile though i had no way of surviving as long as i did without drawing from the emotions i had kept locked away. A single step in the wrong direction.”
*Valkara reaches toward the holo device raising it from the floor and placing it on top a table, standing from her previous seated position as she’d stand tall, hands clasping each other against the small of her back. Her facial expression shows pain, regret and struggle seeming to try and hold her own against the news to come.*
“I did something, i-... it was never my intention neither has it happened before. I took part in another lesson, force barriers to be precise. The lesson progressed as expected, a lot of talking along with some practical teachings before Marlios had entered. He attended the lesson extremely late and in response was punished severely. He was expected to form a barrier to withstand the power of several acolytes and their force push, which we all already knew it wasn’t going to happen. I almost feel as though i was in a trance, focusing on myself and perfecting my ability… i never thought of the repercussions on the actions i was about to commit. Everyone did as instructed, as did i; His barrier broke and so did his body, the sound still haunts me as he looked like a doll that was aimlessly tossed aside.
To make matters worse i was asked to aid in bringing him to the medbay, and i still didn’t think of his well being. I overheard the lords speaking a short while after, Marlios had died from his wounds. Then it hit me, i was responsible for the death of another and i didn’t even care whilst i did it. Why didn’t i? I have been thinking about this constantly since it transpired. I could’ve faked it, or not have put so much into it… i treated him like a training dummy and i hate myself for it. I’ve never killed anyone before, never played a part in harming another until Lord Sanguinis forced me into this new life. I can’t return, if the Jedi ever get the chance to bring me home i will never be accepted, i can’t even accept myself.”
“I could include more updates, but for now i would rather not. I will try to keep fighting for who i -am-, i can’t lose that. End transmission.”
*Valkara’s form would diminish as the light blue hue of the holo communicator does so as well.*
Discord:
lord_saltaeon
