Utahis' HoloDiary

[Joslae]

Pt.1, Fated? Or lucky?

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Utahis would be seen sat alone in the Library, a bruise faintly distinguishable upon the left side of his forehead. His Left arm, sat on the desk, the index finger occasionally twitching.


"I thought it was about time I made one of these... Now that my path is clear..."
Utahis would take a moment to collect his thoughts, his eyes rolling side to side almost as though he is scouring his mind for the words to give justice to what he intends to say.
"Where to begin... From the beginning, I suppose. I came to House Horuset, broken, the shell of a Pureblood with the mind of a Slave. 'Crimson mauler' they called me... In a Zygrerrian gladiatorial arena I was charged with facing masked and ragged looking warriors, the likes of whom I'd never seen. One carried a hammer, a heavy one at that. The rest with steel blades. The fight was on, I cannot remember much of it, but from the scarce information I have gathered from some of the Apprentices in passing conversation back when I was still broken, I realise I must have put up a reasonable fight, or else I'd have been killed."
"I didn't know my name at that time. Like a spell had been placed on my mind, or my conscious had been shackled and broken. Neophyte Aregra seemed to break those shackles when she spoke my name. A few memories of us conversing with other's on Kaas... before..."
Utahis would wave his hand around in a circular motion at jaw height with his head stooped slightly, indicating he was referring to all recent events.
"The family heirloom, the final piece of House Aayu that I have is Lord Fraternus' Warblade. From the research I have done on it, it's old. Very old. Some of the inscriptions on it indicate that it was forged in the time of Naga Sadow. Which should make it 700 years old or there abouts. But I can not know for certain as I only see it in my dreams..."
"How I long for it back..."
"Apprentice Zhephra has told me to banish the thought of it from my mind, she's right. I need to. Lord Kalkoran has stated that he's smelted it as punishment for my failings... Was he justified in doing what he did? I do not believe so, but my failings are mine alone. I remember he said... Months ago now..."
"Break him down and re-shape him in our image"
"Or something along those lines. And he's right. Broken I have been. But beaten?"

Utahis would smirk, his eyes widen ever so slightly, almost as though he's proud he's not yet been killed.
"Beaten, I am not."
"I returned to the ruins of House Aayu, and I started manually rebuilding it, setting up camp, training there, exploring the ruins and restoring stone tablets. This taught me much, about the Pureblood religion, my heritage... It taught me Sith again, and a fair amount of High Sith too, seeing as though I had to relearn basic and re-educate my self in conversational skills, learning two more languages in the short time I've been here is not that bad. Or so I like to think."
"My heart did sink, however, when two of the House Apprentices' came to the Ruins I had so hard worked for. I fear they may seize the lands. I pray they do not. This was another conversation I had with Apprentice Zhephra. She... She gave me a chance. She opened my eyes into realizing that I am doing it wrong...."
"So, what is 'IT', well, it is everything. I felt the Gods had abandoned me to the ruins of my house, my faith was weak. So I do not blame them. I wanted Hezarkal to guide my blade, Zyantha to guide my heart, Typhojem to watch over me and Mekhath to guide my mind. But why would a divine take favor on a heretic? I fought ferociously against the Apprentices when they called me such, although I was obeying their teachings, I cannot help but feel they were partially correct..." 
Utahis again takes a moment to look around the room, still no one was there, after all it is the small hours of the morning, those who are awake are elsewhere, much to Utahis' delight.
"I need to become stronger. Physically stronger isn't enough, I know, without augmentation, only Cadeus could match my strength. I need to become stronger in the Force, the Darkside. My blood is a hyperlane to greatness, the only thing holding me back is my mind not making the Jump. So why should I be ensnared? What can I do as an acolyte? Nothing. My privilege is the dirt. My reward, another day of my heart still beating..."
"Apprentice Zhephra, told me I need to become strong--No, powerful is the word, in order to attract a mate. From there I will rebuild my House and achieve greatness. And I will. My Lord, Apprentice Vaenra, made a remark about me not even being able to attract a half-breed... I will prove her wrong..."
Utahis would then glare at the Holo-Recording, if determination was an aura, Utahis' visage would hardly be visible.
"But, despite all of this. Earlier this day was the moment I realized I was not a lost cause. That I will never be in a weak place again, that if I am told to yield to those unworthy of my Loyalty, I will fight. Acolyte Sovernus is a potent foe. But I consider him an ally, no matter what others say.... Afterall, Lord Sanguinis, from what others have told me, isn't Human, or Pureblooded, yet from the tales of the Apprentices, Lord Kalkoran and him have been close as kin since they were acolytes. So why are me and Sovernus different?... Disregard those thoughts...
Lord Kalkoran wanted me to best Sovernus, beat him down, in fact, in single combat. So I did just that. In front of all manners of different Lords from other Houses, Lord Sanguinis himself and Sith Aljo... The fight was hard won, my arm still numb from the Shock he sent to me, but I won. I proved my might, I proved my worth, even receiving praise from a Human Lord. But it wont get to my head. I've set the bar and I must constantly raise it. Or I will fall behind and be forgotten.
That will not happen.
"I believe the Gods are with me. For I prayed to Hezarkal to guide me to victory and he did. I take comfort in knowing I'm not alone in the road I walk. And no matter where this road takes me. It is clear, the Promises I've made will not be broken..."
"Nenx oer nuyak imkijsi kvapas"
Finishes the line looking dead ahead, a cold look in his eyes. He'd then be seen reaching over as he shuts the Holo off.

[Joslae]

Pt.2, Progress.

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Utahis again would be seated, this time, he'd be sat somewhere else, not the Ship, no, he's surrounded by foliage, sat on a rock in a clearing on what appears to be Kaas.


"For every step I take... I take one back. Or, that's at least how it feels... It's strange, this... Dejection. It's driving me onward, we faced Rakghouls not too long ago, Acolyte Uldrinn and myself were the only acolytes present. He was afraid, and rightly so, a single scratch from a Rakghoul would be the end of you. He fought wisely, keeping back, only resorting to melee combat when necessary, yet, I rushed in once I had the opportunity. Not because I wanted to be on the front lines, no, not because Apprentice Vaenra and Tashha needed my aid... No this was a different feeling. A -need- to be on the front lines, a need to physically break my foes... As though If I wasn't the stalwart, or the aegis holding them back, I'd be punished by the gods themselves"

"Perhaps I would? Maybe it was Mekhath, Hezarkal or Zyantha pointing the way forwards?"

Rubbing his tongue on the tips of his sharp teeth, he'd look off into the bushes behind the camera's left, a smile came across his face and his eyes seemed to light up prior to speaking again.

"I've found a new weapon I'd like to train in however, while facing the Rakghouls, I realised fighting them with my training saber alone would be a death sentence, I found a steel pipe, about two or three feet long, with a solid durasteel lump, what I can only assume was once a conduit for cables. I used it as a makeshift mace. I found it, oddly satisfying, to see the way the once rigid skulls of the Rakghouls folded in on themselves like ruptured and deflated medicine balls. The power behind the mace too, shattering spines and splintering even the thickest of bones. I, unfortunately haven't been able to find anything on them or their use on the Acolyte Archives, perhaps, when I am apprenticed, I may be able to begin training with them? Perhaps create my own form of etiquette when using them?"

"I see both their benefits and their drawbacks, cracking armour and breaking the bones beneath, the mass of the mace also leans itself towards my Pureblooded strength, meaning it'd be all the more deadly. But it renders almost all marks of contact useless, rather than being able to stab or sever an opponents limb, it'd have to break them enough to render said appendage useless... But that, at least is food for thought. Perhaps something I could work on in what little spare time I have."

"The Camp is coming along, the Gods, in particular, will be pleased with me. I covered a large altar dedicated to all the Gods, while I did repairs and rebuilt it as best as I could. I'm not yet finished, still some engravings to touch up and ironwork to polish, rust is surprisingly tricky to remove."

Utahis would chuckle to himself, taking a rock from the ground and running it between his fingers, his Blood-ebony claws, gently heard rapping against the stone.


"Another twist of fate... As soon as my mind became repaired, my heart was broken. She told me she wanted to put what we have on hold, for the time being. She has other things to deal with. I understand, completely, but... When you want to be the one who's closest to her, the one to support her and be her bastion, but she pushes you to the side... We're all stressed and exhausted mentally, emotionally and physically... I just--..."

"This isn't something I really should be talking about or focusing on anyway."

There'd be a moment of silence, Utahis looks through the clearings as a distant rumble of thunder is heard and the torrential rain of Kaas begins again, a few drops altering his figure as they pass in front of the lens of his Data pad's holo-camera.


"I wonder how long it will be until I get my revenge. Even during recent events I've been dwelling on it more and more. Should I raise who he is to one of the Lords? Inform them of who Tygrell is?"

"Hmm.. It conflicts me, I trust the Lords as far as I can, Lord Kalkoran the most, but even if they mention my name in passing and it reaches Tygrells ears, I'd lose the element of Surprise, but without mentioning it..."

"How can I rely on the support from the Houses? Apprentice Zhephra knows of him, but I am certain she hasn't told Lord Kalkoran yet, or maybe she has and they're both waiting to see what I'll do next?"

"I had an interesting conversation with Sovernus about Arkania, his home seems like it'd be a very suitable ally for the Empire, even more so than the Chiss Ascendancy. As far as my understanding goes, Arkanians and Purebloods have very similar views on Purity, only the best and most pure should be enabled to thrive and breed, however, the difference between us, is that we, the Pureblooded, seek purity through regression, almost as though we're trying to breed out the human DNA that is within us, becoming more and more like the Kissai of old, whilst at the same time we seek to breed the strongest, letting genetic defects die off in the wastes of Korriban or Jungles of Kaas, where as the Arkanians, seek purity through progression, eugenically breeding in the strongest genetics for the next generation, genetically removing defects."


"Even though he is an Alien, I can see how he is superior to most by right of blood. An intriguing culture none the less."

"Well, that's enough rambling for one day, I'd best return to my duties, the camp will not reorganize itself now, will it? I may upload some photos next time... Who knows?"


Utahis' figure would then be seen reaching for the Camera button, once again turning off the Holo Camera.

[Joslae]

Pt.3 Spite, Vendatta, Substantiation.

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Utahis would stare, cold, dead ahead in the Medbay, the monotonous droning of the beeping life support systems goes on around. Upon his face, a white cotton pad has been medically taped over his new facial wounds, an effort to aid their healing and minimize the scarring. He'd sit in silence, his lips tightly wound together, as though he's fighting back a snarl, or a loss of control.


"The week started with an introduction to a new acolyte... A Human, from the Nyash powerbase. Valqine his name was. I faced him in the ring, He wasnt the best of fighters I've seen, I bested him, although he sacrificed his Training blade to act as
a last ditch effort. None the less, it still resulted in my victory."

"Personality wise, he's filled with nigh toxic levels of hubris. I overheard part of a conversation yesterday betwen him and Sovernus, it appears they're forming, or thinking of forming an alliance. Once healed... Driving both to the dirt will be more satisfying than seeing Alencia punished."

"The next day, I aided Apprentice Zhephra, Valkara, Cerberus and Neophyte Kalkoran in a task to capture Vine-Cats for Sith Alchemy. Prior, I managed to flaunt my knowledge of Sith Alchemy, which was appraised by Lord Kalkoran, "Both equally correct answers" he said, or something along those lines. We then struck out into the Wilds of Kaas' jungles. I led the group, tracking the prey, there was a split in the road, and I made the decision to take the right path, heading westwards. It was less traveled, either because nothing goes there, or nothing dares tread there."

"We then arrived at the prey, me and a Trooper broke trail, to find the beasts, and we did. Claw marks on the Rocks gave away their territory, and the three were not too far away. I suggested that the alien, Sovernus, acted as bait. To which Cerberus, in his infinitely lacking wisdom, sent me, arguably the most physically capable of us all, to act as bait. I did, I caught their attention by opening one of the stitches on my arm, letting the blood drop onto a rock."

"All three, came rushing over."


Utahis would take a moment to look at the camera, taking a breath.



"Now, this is where I suspect some fowl play came into the occasion... As I went to retreat back to the main group, something snagged my leg, not from the back, but the front, sending me barreling down the hill. Then, as one of the beasts were upon me, I felt my left arm be pulled from position. Thus resulting in more wounds than necessary. Now, through process of elimination, I have drawn a conclusion as to who I believe it may have been.
Aregra, she was goal oriented from the start, it would not benefit her to do that.
Zhephra, as much of a failure she may see me as, I believe deep down she wishes for me to excel, to truly earn the mantle of Pureblood. It may have been her, but, seems unlikely.
Cerberus, he takes the name of the three headed dog purely for aesthetic reasons, his Personality isn't so petty or split, to make him seem a truly valid candidate.
Valkara, it would not have been her.
And that trooper had no means to do such attacks against me, nor did she have a valid reason to.
No, once combat started, Valqine appeared from nowhere, once he arrived, the issues began. So, I have strong reason to believe that it was either him... Or Sovernus... It'd make sense to be one, or even both of them, to coincidentally be wounded and maimed thanks to one of their potential actions, then be called out for a duel when my flesh is still hewn?"

The still maimed Acolyte's lips would curl, a vicious snarl with a red flash in his eyes would be visible.


"They're nothing if not cowardly... But... Yesterdays failure falls on me. Bested by an alien... How can I ever hope to ascend with this marking? How can--... How can he live with himself? Not being able to best his opponent while they're in good condition, so he waits until they're debilitated to even try..."

"When in full health, I've bested Sovernus before. But, this cycle of me besting him, then him besting me is... Limiting my progress. I know how he fights, when the times comes, I'll kill him. But until then. I have bigger prey to hunt."

"They say I am unworthy of my blood, that I do not act according to their rules, that I preach heresy when I simply use their teachings, or ask them questions. Apprentices and Lords, even the fellow acolytes seem to believe I have a huge target on my back. A target that thus far, very few have been able to hit."

"Hmm... I have five names, five individuals that I will beat, humiliate and shame. I will not mark my rite of passage or ascension through the trials, they come after. No, I will beat the five, no matter how long it takes, and them, at my feet, will be my victory. I will mark them, as Ahandra marked me, but not on their face. No, disfigurement is petty. I'll mark their minds. Their hearts, their very souls."

Utahis looks to the Holocam with a certain degree of vicious intent. His brows furrowed, his eyes hot with masked fury.

"Na ani waria zinoti ki arja"

Utahis smiles a cruel grin as he turns the camera off.