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29-04-2023, 11:23 PM
((originally posted by Lyrua))
Diary
I have never really thought about writing a diary, but I guess it's the first time for everything?
I just want some place to put my thoughts in I guess. And having them be private is an important thing. To me at least. I don’t think that having something like this is asking for too much.
And it’s also because I am now pretty much alone.
This is like a coping mechanism I guess?
This is probably going to be messy and all over the place if I know myself.
Alone
Zhaitus disappeared.
Mayâz lost her status and is more or less screwed. I lost my feelings for her. They aren’t the same as they were, it deteriorated I guess.
I haven’t heard from Ayla in a long time. She disappeared too, maybe she left to keep being an important medical person on Alderaan? Left the powerbase in some way? She might’ve died-- No, I have hope it’s something else.
Ida died.
I should’ve stayed away from them anyway.
Creating the alliance was a defensive measure, but it seems to me now that it just brought attention and trouble.
It was almost even doomed at the start when I was naive enough to talk about it to Ayla before even knowing her.. At least I evolved.
Sovernus also disappeared. I think I’ll always admire his rationality, I don’t really find it in other Sith. He was able to engage in a normal, deep, conversation without trying to necessarily force a notion of superiority. Without saying anything like “Oh, you’re an acolyte, your opinion doesn’t matter”. It was nice for a change, but it’s probably unlikely I’ll ever find him again. When I ascend, when I get more freedom, I’ll try to contact him. But I don’t think I’ll get any answer back.
I still remember that conversation..
Trials and Tribulations
And then the trials came. Despite me staying away from that group, despite my efforts to follow the Dark Lord’s words (Well, some of them at least). I was grouped in with them.
Just for past association.
And then Kaer-- Wait, should I refer to her as Iezkon now? I mean, at the time she was called Kaer, but names work strangely..
And then the Lorekeeper interrogated me, and found out about the Mayâz thing..
Why did it even matter? I just felt some things, they shouldn’t have mattered.
At least later that week, I had the permission to walk a bit more freely. And after that, I got permission to meet with that Sith.. Ajuur Ashana.
He originally seemed like something that can’t be so bad. No, I truly found out that Sith are the same. It doesn’t matter if he’s, as Runil said, a “Traitorous, progressive filth who believes that aliens are above the Pure in our world.” he’s still the same.
It seemed so alluring, to defect. It seemed like I’d be more liberated. But no, everything comes with a price, right? That isn’t a proper way to break your chains. That would just put me in another kind of chain. and I’ve already made progress with breaking the ones I’m currently in.
The third trial isn’t noteworthy. I followed Mayâz and just did my special task. I suppose that’s where the alliance finally broke. She was named Gruthu, wait no it was something like Gortthu (By the Force that consonant cluster is annoying to say.) and later got her name stripped entirely from her and-- Honestly I don’t even care about that.
Awaiting Apprenticeship
This distance of waiting between tasks until I become Lord Iezkon’s apprentice is helpful really. I am disconnected from the newer parts of the acolyte pool. I don’t care for them, and I don’t think that will change. But to fill the time I’ve done a myriad of things.
I want to research Sorzus Syn more, see how her life affected the way the Sith code is written. I think that will give me great insights. She’s barely mentioned in the archives, I doubt any of the people who wrote their interpretation of the Sith code even researched her.
And that’s stupid. The Sith Code doesn’t exist in a vacuum. You need the historical context to truly understand it.
That’s like taking an old book that was intended as satire and reading it seriously.
There’s one acolyte that is helpful with my telepathy training. And it was fine until Almir happened.
After the incident I am sure that it’s Almir.
He found out I was training with another acolyte, Force-forbid. He started making up some stories about me trying to indoctrinate the acolyte into something? Claimed the alliance was a “lust circle”. He probably tried to isolate me socially I think. But then he decided to insult my longevity as an acolyte, so I brought up his.
I got a scar and spent some days in a kolto tank from that, but I won that battle. Exposing his hypocrisy and something he’s sensitive about. Next time I intentionally hit a nerve though, I’ll be prepared to fight back.
I hate him. I hated him during the trial period. I hated him ever since he taunted me near Sith Sarias.
There was also the thing with Venus the other day. She’s naive. Way more than I ever was. And also stupid. “Is he trying to drive her mad.” Oh yeah, because that’s totally a thing that acolytes can do. But in the given context, that also implied that she thinks negatively of the Dark side. So I kept asking her questions. Wanting to eventually hear her say something completely heretical. Luckily, Apprentice Nyrithe came in time. She basically took care of Venus from there. Being re-educated doesn’t seem like fu--
Am I becoming a sadist? I am very much different from the Lyrua that first joined the Horuset Powerbase. And even more different from the Lyrua that was smuggled out of Balmorra all those years ago. But at least I still hold my ideals, I am at least still rational.
I’ll be dueling Johran in a few days. I hope it doesn’t turn out like the duel Ida had.
Spoiler: OOC Information
Spoiler: OOC Music
Entry 1 - Recollections
Diary
I have never really thought about writing a diary, but I guess it's the first time for everything?
I just want some place to put my thoughts in I guess. And having them be private is an important thing. To me at least. I don’t think that having something like this is asking for too much.
And it’s also because I am now pretty much alone.
This is like a coping mechanism I guess?
This is probably going to be messy and all over the place if I know myself.
Alone
Zhaitus disappeared.
Mayâz lost her status and is more or less screwed. I lost my feelings for her. They aren’t the same as they were, it deteriorated I guess.
I haven’t heard from Ayla in a long time. She disappeared too, maybe she left to keep being an important medical person on Alderaan? Left the powerbase in some way? She might’ve died-- No, I have hope it’s something else.
[a new addition would be featured in this section]:
A few days ago I heard from Mayâz that Ayla died. I.. had a hard time accepting that.
Ayla, I miss you.
A few days ago I heard from Mayâz that Ayla died. I.. had a hard time accepting that.
Ayla, I miss you.
Ida died.
I should’ve stayed away from them anyway.
Creating the alliance was a defensive measure, but it seems to me now that it just brought attention and trouble.
It was almost even doomed at the start when I was naive enough to talk about it to Ayla before even knowing her.. At least I evolved.
Sovernus also disappeared. I think I’ll always admire his rationality, I don’t really find it in other Sith. He was able to engage in a normal, deep, conversation without trying to necessarily force a notion of superiority. Without saying anything like “Oh, you’re an acolyte, your opinion doesn’t matter”. It was nice for a change, but it’s probably unlikely I’ll ever find him again. When I ascend, when I get more freedom, I’ll try to contact him. But I don’t think I’ll get any answer back.
I still remember that conversation..
Trials and Tribulations
And then the trials came. Despite me staying away from that group, despite my efforts to follow the Dark Lord’s words (Well, some of them at least). I was grouped in with them.
Just for past association.
And then Kaer-- Wait, should I refer to her as Iezkon now? I mean, at the time she was called Kaer, but names work strangely..
And then the Lorekeeper interrogated me, and found out about the Mayâz thing..
Why did it even matter? I just felt some things, they shouldn’t have mattered.
At least later that week, I had the permission to walk a bit more freely. And after that, I got permission to meet with that Sith.. Ajuur Ashana.
He originally seemed like something that can’t be so bad. No, I truly found out that Sith are the same. It doesn’t matter if he’s, as Runil said, a “Traitorous, progressive filth who believes that aliens are above the Pure in our world.” he’s still the same.
It seemed so alluring, to defect. It seemed like I’d be more liberated. But no, everything comes with a price, right? That isn’t a proper way to break your chains. That would just put me in another kind of chain. and I’ve already made progress with breaking the ones I’m currently in.
The third trial isn’t noteworthy. I followed Mayâz and just did my special task. I suppose that’s where the alliance finally broke. She was named Gruthu, wait no it was something like Gortthu (By the Force that consonant cluster is annoying to say.) and later got her name stripped entirely from her and-- Honestly I don’t even care about that.
Awaiting Apprenticeship
This distance of waiting between tasks until I become Lord Iezkon’s apprentice is helpful really. I am disconnected from the newer parts of the acolyte pool. I don’t care for them, and I don’t think that will change. But to fill the time I’ve done a myriad of things.
I want to research Sorzus Syn more, see how her life affected the way the Sith code is written. I think that will give me great insights. She’s barely mentioned in the archives, I doubt any of the people who wrote their interpretation of the Sith code even researched her.
And that’s stupid. The Sith Code doesn’t exist in a vacuum. You need the historical context to truly understand it.
That’s like taking an old book that was intended as satire and reading it seriously.
There’s one acolyte that is helpful with my telepathy training. And it was fine until Almir happened.
After the incident I am sure that it’s Almir.
He found out I was training with another acolyte, Force-forbid. He started making up some stories about me trying to indoctrinate the acolyte into something? Claimed the alliance was a “lust circle”. He probably tried to isolate me socially I think. But then he decided to insult my longevity as an acolyte, so I brought up his.
I got a scar and spent some days in a kolto tank from that, but I won that battle. Exposing his hypocrisy and something he’s sensitive about. Next time I intentionally hit a nerve though, I’ll be prepared to fight back.
I hate him. I hated him during the trial period. I hated him ever since he taunted me near Sith Sarias.
There was also the thing with Venus the other day. She’s naive. Way more than I ever was. And also stupid. “Is he trying to drive her mad.” Oh yeah, because that’s totally a thing that acolytes can do. But in the given context, that also implied that she thinks negatively of the Dark side. So I kept asking her questions. Wanting to eventually hear her say something completely heretical. Luckily, Apprentice Nyrithe came in time. She basically took care of Venus from there. Being re-educated doesn’t seem like fu--
Am I becoming a sadist? I am very much different from the Lyrua that first joined the Horuset Powerbase. And even more different from the Lyrua that was smuggled out of Balmorra all those years ago. But at least I still hold my ideals, I am at least still rational.
I’ll be dueling Johran in a few days. I hope it doesn’t turn out like the duel Ida had.
